Beetween class, studying, hangovers, significant others, errands and other trivial activities, most college students find that there are simply not enough hours in the day. As a political science major with a minor in couch potato, I am not one of those people.
In fact, I have too many hours in the day. There is no “Law and Order: SVU” episode that I haven’t watched. There is no useless product on Amazon that I haven’t ordered (See for reference: my pocket breathalyzer that’s en route from Taiwan. Stay tuned for that one.) There is no Facebook status you made in 2009 that I haven’t unearthed.
Cause when ur 15 & somebody tells u they love u, ur gonna believe it </3
So, you see, I’m always on the hunt for new, fun things to do that require as little physical effort as possible. Feeling inspired Sunday night by the WWE “Total Divas,” I decided to follow their lead and ruin someone’s life. Okay, not “life.” But definitely their Monday morning.
That’s when I made this:
If you just read that and asked yourself, “If this girl has an ATV, why the hell isn’t she spending her copious amounts of free time riding it?” then I must tell you that, first, I am not Haley. Second, that is not my cellphone number. And finally, there is no ATV.
Side note: You really shouldn’t trust anyone or anything that uses the “:p” face.
However, that is not a fake number, and Haley is not a fake person. She is my friend. She has a real deal job. She does not live in Gainesville or New York City, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even know what an ATV is.
Let the comedy commence!
Once I posted the ad late Sunday evening, I could hardly sleep knowing full well Haley was going to have to try to be productive at work the next day, confused out of her mind as to why she was receiving texts like this:
And these.
Just imagine her conducting a business meeting, continually interrupted by this:
Or stuck in standstill Miami traffic dealing with this.
Or thinking her boyfriend had just texted her about dinner plans, only to find this:
You have to give her credit though. Eventually, she got creative.
Mad ups to her sporty family.
Guess I was wrong. She does know what an ATV is!
The cherry on top of this dirt cake was probably the voicemail she received from a man named Herman, a prospective buyer at the ripe age of 56. Who knew an ATV was such a hot commodity?!
Wait, that’s a stupid question. This is Gainesville.
This was not the first time I have done this to someone. It certainly won’t be the last. Haley is still receiving inquiries about the alleged ATV. And will be for the next 43 days, which is how long Craigslist allows its classifieds to remain posted. If at this point you’re wondering how I still have friends, I can safely say that I ask myself the same question every day.
Yes, I know full well this is a direct violation of the Craigslist code of ethics, but any website that sells both puppies and prostitutes deserves to have its ethics violated.
Sorry, Haley.
(Kind of.)
