Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, do you smell that in the air?
No people, not the stench Gator Corner Dining’s “vegetarian options”… LSU is upon us. The biggest weekend in this year’s tailgating season, everyone’s mother, brother, sister’s friend’s cousin’s boyfriend visiting from (insert irrelevant college) will be shacking up in Gainesville for the next couple of days.
Things are about to get weird.
Before everyone goes from Beyoncé to Amanda Bynes, there are a few things to consider. First, this weekend is a marathon, not a sprint, so plan accordingly. Second, these kinds of crowds attract cops, lots of cops, and with them comes their version of Halloween candy: MIPs.
If you don’t know what MIP stands for, congrats, you’ve successfully survived half a semester without getting in any sort of legal trouble. Many would applaud you on that. Myself included. For those of you who already knew it means Minor In Possession, this is the scene that has played out for so many of us.
You show your older sibling’s ID at the door, and, though the bouncer rolls his eyes, he lets you in anyway. Feeling high from your first deception, you saunter over to the bar. You make the same mistake countless others have made: you order something typical of an 18-year-old like a vodka cranberry, but you’ll learn.
Once you’ve achieved your second deception of the night, you stand blissfully unaware in the middle of the crowd, desperately trying to attract the attention of upperclassmen.
That’s when you see him. The cop enters the bar.
You freak out. You turn to your friend, and you continue your freak out. In the mental commotion, you throw your vodka cranberry on the floor. You think it’s graceful, but the bystander in fresh white sneakers does not agree.
You rip off your band, and you think this is a graceful move, too. The officer scanning the crowd of the bar does not agree.
“Excuse me, can I please see your identification?” he asks you as you stand doe-eyed before him.
Shit, parents are going to kill me, I think as I begrudgingly hand over the ID that’s not mine.
Soon enough, you’re not-so-casually escorted out of the bar, handcuffs and all. And, next thing you know you’re at some pop-up police station filling in your dorm address, begging the officer to let you go. Because after all, no grad school will ever want you for having an unauthorized alcoholic beverage in college!
Relax.
Yes, this sucks, and technically it’s an arrest, but don’t be an idiot. Cooperate. Go to UF Legal Services in the Reitz on Monday morning. The attorney that helps you will become your new best friend. If it’s your first offense, you will more than likely get what’s called a Deferred Prosecution, pay a court fine of $100 and either donate to a charity or put in some elbow grease on some community service hours. You won’t even have to go to court.
An MIP will not ruin your life, but it will put a damper on your bank account.
There are ways to avoid this altogether, the most obvious of them being waiting until you’re actually of legal age to drink out at a bar, but if you’re “under” and insist on going in “over” here are a few tips—
First, don’t do this at the bar your roommate got busted at last week. Chances are, if it’s been raided before, it will get raided again. MIPs are not like the Chicken Pox, they can happen again. And again.
Next, don’t use an ID with your own picture on it. That is a felony. It’s not cool. It will land you a night in jail. And it is no “Orange is the New Black.” It’s scary as shit.
Then, don’t have an aneurism if you see the police enter the bar. Unlike you, these officers are sober and are adept at reading crowds. Going all Splash Mountain in the middle of Cantina will not yield promising results.
Personally, I am a firm believer that anyone who is old enough to serve their country in war should be also be able to responsibly drink a beer, but hey, the law is the law.
From 5:59pm Balls to 2:01am Cantina and everywhere scary in between, best of luck to everyone out there.
Go Gators, go GainesvilleScene, and go home with at least a 7.
Featured photo courtesy of: BlackSheepOnline
