Could you imagine if reality was like a perfume commercial? I would imagine it going something like this:
You wake up to the sound of a sultry French voice whispering “eau de toilette.” You are behind a waterfall of pink perfume, and you wonder if you fell asleep standing upright. Probably. Wouldn’t be the first time.
You step through the waterfall of perfume, but you somehow don’t get wet. It must be your goddess-like water-repellent skin. Good thing, too, because your hair and makeup were already perfect, obviously.
Emerging in a luscious, flowing skirt, you take in the magical forest around you. A grizzly bear waves at you.
Via: blogspot.com
Whoa, this isn’t my apartment, you think as a falcon flies overhead. (“But it’s pretty damn close,” Trimark employees will tell you.)
Ryan Gosling is knee-deep in the pond a few feet in front of you. He is staring at you the way he probably looks at Eva Mendes and his newborn child. (May we all take a moment of silence.)
But you remember you have class, for the sheer fact that women in perfume commercials are always rushing to places. Realizing you are late, you grab your incredible skirt and slow-motion run into the forest.
Ryan reaches after you, a tormented expression on his face. He is probably thinking, The one that got away! (We all are the ones that got away, amIrite?)
Back to you slow-motion running. The skirt is rippling majestically all around you, but you know you will never make it in time.
Despite your haste, you stop to eat some wild berries. No cares given about whether they are poisonous or not. Suddenly, a man with long, silky hair and a partly buttoned white shirt appears on a stallion. Is that THE Fabio?
Via: vice
Why, yes! He must make his obligatory yearly TV appearance!
No words are exchanged. You hop on his horse and are immediately teleported to class.
In chem lab, wearing a lab coat over your fantastic skirt, you are holding a beaker and jotting notes down. You do the wafting motion because you are legit. The concoction smells okay, but you know it’s still too bland. Suddenly, you notice a bottle at the end of the lab table that reads “WARNING: Too hot to handle,” in French.
But you handle it. And you dump all of it into the beaker. Fireworks shoot out and the smoke dances away to reveal a perfectly angled perfume bottle.
Amazed by your own talents, you take the lid off and spritz some on your neck. You close your eyes like women in chocolate commercials being transported to ecstasy. Cut to montage of a shirtless Ryan Gosling pining over you. You kind of miss him, but you are busy creating the world’s best perfume and know you are destined to meet again.
Via: flickr
You proudly walk to the front of the classroom with the amazing perfume. Your drab-looking classmates, blinded by the glory of this perfume, look stunned.
Ryan swings into the lab on a grape vine, called by the perfume and he looks proud of you too. The two of you embrace.
Fabio bursts in on a rearing horse, and as he lifts the perfume bottle up…
…You realize life will never be like a perfume commercial. And that’s okay because you would miss your days of wearing yoga pants and watching Netflix.
Featured photo courtesy of: stylefrizz.com
