This is a guest post by Opeola Bukola, a recent UF grad, local entrepreneur and founder of Gainesville Media and ForABlackGirl.com. Read more of Ope’s wise words here.
Growing up is weird in the sense that sometimes it’s terrifying just to be. To be a woman is even tougher.
To be a woman who has been sexualized from a young age is the cherry (forgive me) on top. Like many college students and young professionals do, I spend some time out in social settings. As many women of this age in particular do, I spend some of that time being approached by men.
Now, I’m a major skeptic when it comes to weird men in bars. I try to avoid eye contact, I do my best to keep conversations short, and my discomfort with being romantically or sexually advanced upon is quite evident. So evident, in fact, that I’m often hit with variations of these lines
“Don’t be scared.”
“I don’t bite.”
“Relax, I’m just trying to talk.”
While I understand that a well-intentioned man may take this icy attitude as disrespect or rudeness, my sympathies are few. Why? Well, because rape culture and misogyny exist. They are ingrained in most of western culture, they affect every woman nearly every day, and they make being a woman dangerous and stressful. I need people to start acknowledging that.
Last May, we were granted another tragic example of the fact that many men feel entitled to feminine sexual attention. Some so entitled that they hurt women, hurt communities, or hurt themselves.
We as women have to live with this constant anxiety that we’re “accidentally” displaying the wrong sexual intentions because society tells us that we are the confusing party. We tempt men. We are unclear. When we are very clear, we ignore or disparage them, we push men to their breaking points. We can neither outright refuse their advances nor allow them to advance … what are we supposed to do?
I’m sick of the idea that women are expected to take the blame for feeling and acting uncomfortable, as if rape culture is some sort of made-up, feminine paranoia rather than the actual way our society treats its women and teaches its girls. Hearing stories of women getting raped or otherwise assaulted; being cat called; hearing male friends, fathers, brothers, and even boyfriends touting rape apologist attitudes… how are we supposed to feel?
Via: Huff Post
So, here I am I’m living within a cultural system that discourages my sexuality and yet sexualizes me at every turn; a culture that tells me that “owning my body” means hiding my body while simultaneously defining what my body should look like, testing that ideal against the real thing, and encouraging me to show off my apparent inadequacy; a culture that treats women’s sex appeal like a social currency, but criticizes ones who cash in; a culture that will sooner cast a “spoiled” woman as immoral than the man who sexually assaults her.
This is where we live. This is the reality that women face every day at bars and coffee shops, schools and workplaces and – worst and most commonly of all – in their own homes.
So why the hell shouldn’t I be scared?
