Everyone is quick to tell you that college is “the best years of your life,” but it seems that no one is willing to tell you that it can be scary as fuck.
You get ripped from the comfort of Mom’s bosom with no guide except the bullshit you watched on MTV and life lessons you learned at the bus stop and now you’re supposed to figure out who you are, who you want to be and what you want to do with the rest of your life. It’s exhilarating and liberating and tiring and frightening all at the same time. It’s college and you are not alone.
The GainesvilleScene series “College Fears” aims to delve into these unspoken fears. You might laugh, you might cry, hell, you might even realize we feel the same way about shit that you do.
The Sober Confrontation
I was hopelessly scanning the masses at Lib West in search of an open table when all of a sudden a hand firmly grabbed my arm and pulled me into the stairwell.
“Do not look now. Don’t make it obvious, but look who’s sitting over there at that back left table.”
As I looked at my friend’s flushed face, felt her cold, clammy hand on my arm, and listened to the sheer anxiety in her tone I could tell that this was not just some guy who asked to borrow her pencil last week in stat lab. It had to be some boy, some man, some drunk memory that had ended up being Monday’s mistake, or Wednesday’s almost mistake, or Thursday night’s semi-mistake.
It was not only my love of confronting these weird sober run-ins, but also my all-consuming curiosity to explore the situation that threatened to get the best of me. My friend, clearly sensing the internal conflict I was having, managed a firm “Don’t even think about it” as if I was going to run up to the table and sit right in his lap. I rolled my eyes and laughed at her overreaction, but the look of utter panic in her glare caused me to bite my tongue as I led the way to another floor.
The fear of a sober confrontation was enough to make us flee the scene, but let me paint a different picture for you:
It is a beautiful hangover-less Wednesday afternoon. You notice the cloudless sky as you walk towards the Hub, and for some reason you have just a bit more pep in your step as you approach Turlington. You are smiling at the world and the world is smiling right back at you.
Your eyes scan the crowd ahead of you as you try to politely dodge the fliers that are being shoved down your throat. You’ve almost made it through without having to take any Gator City coupons when…
Oh shit. That’s_____. What do I do? This is so awkward. Wtf do I do? Do I say hi? Has____ seen me yet? Will ____ see me? Is __gonna say hi? WTF!
You are desperately and quickly trying to decide, each step you take like a ticking of a time bomb .
You are quickly approaching______, and simply based on the fact that you are literally about to walk directly past each other, it would be a pretty safe guess that ______ has noticed your presence as well.
So, what do you do?
There are two routes you can take with this one, and I think its pretty obvious what they are.
1. The attempted escape
Look down at your phone? I mean as far as _____ is concerned, you could have just received an incredibly time sensitive Snapchat vid. Or maybe, just maybe, there is still time left, and you can pretend that your class is actually on the opposite side of campus and change directions. Or perhaps you should stop in the middle of Turlington and strike up a conversation with the anti-abortionists! That’ll keep you busy, and there’s no way_____ will mess with that situation. Anything to prolong the interaction for as long as possible, because thats the best thing to do, right?
Wrong.
2. The confrontation (the better option. Be brave, dammit.)
In order to move on from whatever it was that happened Saturday night, whether you want it to happen more in the future or for it to never be spoken of again, you should literally just say “hey_____.” Or “Hi____.” Or even just “____” and a smile. (Just kidding, that last one is a little bit weird.)
What I’m getting at is this: By saying hello you are acknowledging the fact that something, who even really remembers what it was, has happened, and no matter where life takes you, you will always share what has happened with that person. (Hopefully it’s not an STD….just kidding. But seriously.)
The bottom line is that you should acknowledge them with a simple greeting and by saying their name. It’s one thing to muster up the courage to actually say hi, it’s another if they don’t even notice that you are talking to them. We have names for a reason, use it to your advantage (and to avoid an awkward “well I said hi to ___ but __ didn’t hear me I feel so weird now.”)
So congratulations, you’ve made it. You have gotten over your fear of saying “Sup ____?” But what happens when it is not just a simple walk by?
What happens when you are trapped in an elevator with _____? And the power goes out and you are stuck? What happens when ____ walks into your TA section on the first day of Summer A? And you have to get a partner? And _____ is literally the only option? What happens then?
Boom scenario:
It’s early on a Thursday. You are slowly trudging to class as you debate with yourself if you are still drunk or becoming hungover. You are wearing sunglasses even though the sky is masked with clouds. You have a questionable bruise on your shoulder.
It’s already 10:45 a.m., which means you are late to your class but are too focused on how the hell you got home to actually care. Plus it’s a big class so you might just walk to Chik Fil A instead.
As you approach Turlington you notice that there is only one other person walking in your direction. You squint your eyes, and somehow last night’s hazy memories come to clarity.
Holy shit that is definitely_____. Do I say hi first? Is ____gonna say hi? Does ___remember? I barely even remember. Why are there no protestors? What is going on? What do I do? Oh shit.
There are no other people around, there are no logical escape routes, there is literally no way out of this one-on-one interaction.
You have no other option than to soberly converse.
What do you do?
There are honestly too many first moves that could be made, but in order to make sure the exchange isn’t awkward, you have to take control of the situation. It’s as simple as saying hi first and just making a statement or observation that is easy to respond to, i.e. “Wow I am so hungover” or “This weather sucks.”
There are a lot of things you can say but whatever you decide on, make sure that you do not simply ask “Did you have fun last night?” when the answer is plastered on your neck.
To wrap this up, I hope this prevents some portion of the population from running like there’s a fire when coming in sober contact with a drunken hookup. Be the bigger person and say hello to ______ first, because while you may regret what happened last night, there’s no way you’ll ever regret saving yourself from an awkward situation.
Featured photo courtesy of: Tumblr
