Dear “Fed Up Fraternity Male”…
I read your “Open Letter to Freshmen Girls…” and I couldn’t help but write a rebuttal.
I won’t sit here and try to deny that girls are supplied with alcohol when they attend fraternity parties, and that this reality is appealing. Guys also shouldn’t deny that they use alcohol as bait. I don’t know how many times during my freshman summer B I had strangers literally yell “free beer at the [blank] house” to my friends and I at Midtown to coerce us into attending a late night after-party.
But us ladies have come to realize that this “free” alcohol isn’t really free at all. It comes with ulterior motives and a wide range of things expected in return. If a guy spends his entire night buying a girl drinks, you can be sure that he’s expecting at least one of three things: a phone number, a make-out, or an adult sleepover.
So in most girls’ minds, taking the free alcohol is just part of the game. Why not take advantage of guys now, when we know you’re probably trying to take advantage of us later? The college culture we’re a part of makes it so girls accept the fact that you won’t buy them dinner because you would rather buy them a bottle instead. The ubiquitous night out at the bars is college students’ warped version of a first date.
You could also consider date functions, where many girls feel some sort of pressure to hook up with their date by the end of the night, to fall in the same camp as free alcohol: both situations are filled with expectations.
A date function should be, well, a date. You know, those things where you talk to a girl and get to know her on a more personal level? Yeah, those. I can almost guarantee that girls invited on date functions aren’t taking the free alcohol, complaining and then running away at the end of the night. They’re being held back by some version of whatever the male inviter envisioned for the end of the day/evening.
And just so you know, it does get better. I know you were probably the pledge making the nasty Skol shots and wiping down the sticky bar at the end of the night, but it won’t always feel that girls are taking your alcohol without even a kind word. The freshman girls will grow up (as will you) and understand how this process works.
The moral of my rant is this: Don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house.
So “naïve, party-going” freshman boy, please know that you will not be taking home a girl just because you made her drinks all night, and the ones you do take home might not want to go “all the way.”
Don’t assume you deserve a bow and a lifetime of gratitude just because you bought a girl a drink or two, because like you said yourself, guys do it all the time in Gainesville. She might be more grateful for that shot if you take the time to get to know her and actually form a friendship, instead of just offering her your frat’s open tab and hoping she’ll catch your drift when last call comes around.
Sincerely,
Featured photo courtesy of: RollingStone
