“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
Raise your hand (and give her a nice shmack) if hearing those words makes you cringe. The above is a common expression professed by inebriated college girls during any given night. To better help you understand what it means, without giving you a completely erroneous Urban Dictionary definition written by some jabroni from Maryland, I’ll just give you an example.
Girlfriend: Baaaaaaabe!!! Haha, baaaaaaaabe!! Soooo ummm…your birthday is in 3 weeks and I just want to make you the happiest yummy man in the world, so, like, what do you want?
Boyfriend: Okay, well, I don’t want you to have to spend too much money.
Girlfriend: OMG BABE, that is so sweet! I’m telling all 27 girls in my group chat right now! But really, anything. Anything at all!
Boyfriend: (Without hesitation) Then definitely a threesome.
Girlfriend: Ummm, seriously? With who? If you say Brittany I’ll kill you.
Boyfriend: (Proceeds to name two other girls, none of whom are his girlfriend)
Girlfriend: You’re literally an asshole.
Boyfriend: How you mean?!
Girlfriend: YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!!!
The truth is, some of us do have our cake and eat it too. We shouldn’t, and we know we shouldn’t, but we do because we can, because it’s easy.
Sometimes it’s scary to think about the idea that, for the most part, the person we are today is the person we’re going to be for the rest of our lives. Hopefully the alcoholism settles down, but, truly, the way we treat our friends, the way we treat strangers, how we tip at the bar (assholes) is going to stick with us from this point forward. What we do in our personal lives is just that: personal. But the rest of our lives are not going to be quite like this fantasy world we live in right now — a life with no real responsibilities or major consequences to our actions.
It’s tough to ask someone why he or she does some of the things they do. If you asked me why I came home one night, wasted and alone, and turned on “Kiss From a Rose” by Seal while rubbing Nair all over my body, I’d tell you that you can’t handle the truth.
You might get a similar response about asking someone why he or she cheats.
Via: mirror.co.uk
Maybe if you cheat you don’t really call it cheating. Maybe you’re the man and just say “I’m doin’ me,”or if you’re a slutty vegan you’ll say “Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places” or “Never regret something that once made you smile (orgasm).”
A lot of us use college as an excuse for some of the questionable things we do. And for the most part, that’s completely justified. But it doesn’t rationalize acting like a total shithead. We’re all abunch of goddamn hypocrites, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can start to make some changes.
Most of us do actually have the capacity to change and while some of us define ourselves by our relationships, 
that doesn’t exactly hold true for everyone. Operating in such a blackout state for roughly 20 percent of our week makes it tough to have any accountability, or even restraint for that matter. These are the only years we’ll ever have where it’s acceptable to act like a complete lunatic, but don’t burden someone else because you’re too selfish or too scared to make decisions. Some of us can have things both ways, but at some point, maybe senior year, you need to ask yourself what type of man (or ladyman) you want to be. And if you want to be the man who whips out his penis and pees on the Cantina bar every night, then do that! People love that! It’s hilarious!
I’m not telling you that if you’re cheater now you’ll be a cheater the rest of your life. That’s not entirely true, but it is true that habits like that are hard to break. You can’t keep pushing responsibility aside, saying that you’ll stop or you’ll change, because at some point you will literally be unable to.
Nobody is expecting you to act like a mature, miserable 40-year-old. Now is the time to act like a slut (or “just a very sexual person” as the classy ones like to say). It’s fine to sleep with a bunch of people and have one night stands or meet an ACR on Tinder and drive all the way to Sonic at 2 a.m. only to sexually violate an order of chili cheese tots. It’s all good. My advice simply is: Don’t drag someone that loves you along for that ride. It’s just a dick move, plain and simple.
Nobody likes a whistleblower, and hopefully you try not to get involved with other people’s relationships, but this cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend shit is getting old, man. You gotta choose what type of life you want, and if you’d prefer to be single then be single! That’s not selfish. But having your cake and eating it too is some messed up shit and I’d rather be no boyfriend at all than be a bad one.
Featured photo courtesy of: Yum Scrum Cakes
