Please bow your head and join me in a moment of silence. Let us acknowledge the death of substance and absence of purpose, the trademarks of a specific brand of digital journalism our generation just can’t get enough of.
At any given moment 40% of my Facebook newsfeed is claimed by shared articles and links to BuzzFeed. Its popularity draws from instantaneous captivation and imprisonment of its readers, although very few can say they’ve “read” a BuzzFeed “article” (with a conscience at least.) All it takes is one “18 Times Italian Greyhounds Were Total Fashionistas” before you find yourself, almost two hours later, still cruising the site and wondering who else Miley Cyrus might look like with bleached eyebrows.
BuzzFeed’s monopoly on the mindless media landscape hasn’t stopped other contenders from scoring a cult following. Elite Daily has created quite a name for itself by providing a content structure similar to BuzzFeed’s: easy to digest paragraphs accompanied by pictures that speak a thousand words the article fails to say. There is an obvious difference between the two publications, however, and it lies in their personas. BuzzFeed doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not. They proudly own the nonsense, and I respect that. Elite Daily? I wish they’d give up their act.
I recently came across an Elite Daily piece that was shared on Facebook- “The Reasons Why You Never Want To Marry A Sorority Girl.” The article, written by the obviously non-Greek Eddie Cuffin (sorry, the term GDI pains me), details 13 reasons why men need to avoid marrying sorority girls at all costs. Before Cuffin delves into the nitty gritty of his argument, he insists that “women are just not what they used to be and the pool for marriage material has been greatly comprised.” He also points out the supremely obvious, that “no one wants to settle for less when they are choosing their partner for the rest of their life.” So, for all you anxious young men out there hunting for a post-graduate Mrs., I’ll identify Cuffin’s most notable reasons for why sorority girls suck dick- both literally and figuratively:
-“You will never have a tidy home if you marry a sorority girl because these women have never cleaned in their lives”
-“Sorority girls will never grow up, Greek life is the only way of life they know, so don’t expect it to stop when they graduate”
-“They’re good at making suggestions, but never good at actually putting these suggestions into effect” (my personal favorite… what in the literal fuck?)
Hey, I get it, stereotypes exist for a reason. A few of Cuffin’s reasons, like “There’s a considerable chance that she has slept with at least two or more guys from your group of friends”, boast real life evidence to back it up. Shit, there’s no doubt Cuffin got massively screwed over by some sorority girl (actually, that’s a bona fide guarantee.) The majority of his baseless argument, however, is bullshit.
On second thought, I’ll just be blunt… he wrote it out of his ass.
Via: someecards.com
By definition I’m a sorority girl but this article wasn’t written by one, because this isn’t about the content of Cuffin’s argument. I find its absurdity and the possibility of someone considering his advice to be a straight up joke. This is about Cuffin’s disregard, Elite Daily’s motives, and how our generation devotes incalculable amounts of precious time to such garbage.
You should know that Eddie Cuffin’s rant wasn’t the first Elite Daily article to make me gag. “Why You Should Always Have Sex On A First Date,” written by a woman, actually made my skin crawl. It’s articles like these that empower Elite Daily’s vision, to be “The Voice of Generation-Y.” We have no one to blame but ourselves for allowing that bold self-proclamation to become truth. It’s a truth that projects a bigger picture: we have become all too comfortable with reading, sharing, and discussing counter productive trash by the tons. By choosing to fuel these websites with the hits they crave we are also choosing to distract our thoughts with negativity, fallacies, and irrelevance.
Snap out of it guys, because you and I both know we’re better than this. We need to start talking about things that matter.
It’s about time we take out the garbage.
