Unfortunately, the hype of Halloween parties was finally put behind us on the unwelcoming morning of November 1st. Chances are there were still some remnants of your costume in your bed with you, a telltale sign that you struggled to get into your pjs sometime in the wee hours of the morning (if you even bothered to put them on). I’m sure that Spiderman onesie was just as comfortable as a t-shirt and shorts.
As depressed as you might be that this well anticipated evening is now just another memory (or lack of one), Halloween marks the beginning of something wonderful: The Holiday Season. We can imagine that the leaves start to change in far off lands, and the temperature drops from a scalding 85 degrees to an enjoyable, breezy 73.
With the holiday season comes a lot of family time, something we all look forward to… for the most part. When extended relatives are added in to the mix and everyone is forced to spend a good chunk of time together, things can get a little awkward. In order to avoid any of those “oh crap” moments, where your only saving grace is to shove a handful of chips and dip into your mouth, I’ve listed a few of the top ways to keep your holiday conversations smooth and polite.
Avoid politics and religious talk at all costs
The interesting thing about family relationships is that everyone cares about each other a little too much. While this is one of the best parts about sharing the holidays with your loved ones, it also means that differing opinions can cut real deep. For some reason, family members assume that because the same blood runs through both of your veins, you must have the exact same religious and political views. If you so much as hear any words involving government (i.e. health care) immediately plan an escape route. Get the hell out of there.
Politely tell your relative that you absolutely must go back and get a second of whatever appetizer is on your plate. Insist that three cups of eggnog has left you desperately in need of the nearest restroom. Recognize that your poor mother has been cooking all day and is in dire need of your assistance.
Whatever you do, don’t even waste a second on controversial topics. As fun as it might be to crush your younger cousin in a heated political debate, the awkwardness that will most definitely linger is not worth it.
Get your achievements in order
I’m assuming that, like me, you’re going to be cooped up in a dining room with family members you haven’t seen in a long period of time.
This means that there is going to be a lot of “achievement sharing” where each relative asks another relative what they’ve been up to. I doubt you want Grandma hearing of your recent MIP at Swamp, so sort through your activities from the past few months and get ready to talk about them with every. single. relative. These conversations are repeated so many times during each holiday season that we might as well just require each family member to announce their accomplishments to everyone at once. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way, and you don’t want to be stuttering and mumbling as you try to explain what exactly it is you’ve been doing with your life. Whatever it is, make it sound good, and I promise it’ll get easier by the tenth conversation.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
And here is the dreaded, dreaded question. If you can say yes to this, cheers to you. Now the only task is to think of the best way to describe this significant other, and similar to the achievement listing, be prepared to repeat this multiple times. If your answer is no, you may go about this one of two ways.
1. Make up a fake significant other. Yes, this would be considered lying, but if you’ve said no every single year of your life it might not be worth the embarrassment to once again offer a dejected, awkward “no.”
2. “I’m focusing on my schoolwork.” While this still sounds pretty pitiful, you can then branch off into an in depth discussion of a recent project or important paper. This will show how busy and dedicated of a student you are, something every family member loves to hear.
Keep in mind that your relatives only want to see you succeed. While they may be all to ready to attempt to change your political views in five seconds, or hide their looks of pity over your lack of a significant other, for the most part they’re just looking for conversation topics to fill the time. Be patient, be prepared, and remember to treasure these moments with your family.
Happy holidays!
