October is many people’s favorite month. The middle of fall brings cooler weather, the possibility of leaves changing color, my birthday, and, of course, Halloween. This past weekend I went to my first costume party of the season and saw the typical Halloween costumes that we’ve all seen for years: sexy witches, zombies, a cartoon character no one else recognizes, etc. Come on guys, we can do better.
Via: quickmeme.com
When the first costume party of October suddenly arrives you frantically purge your closet for anything remotely close to a costume. That’s how people end up going to parties as a Target employee (red shirt and khaki pants), Playboy Bunny (your cleanest panties and bunny ears from Easter), or as some generic politician (a suit), but your real costume’s identity is Last Minute Joe. With just a little bit of planning and creativity you can step up your Halloween game and be the center of attention.
Smash Hit Character Costumes
Everyone is still high off the blue stuff, making Walter White a great Halloween costume. Get yourself a windbreaker, khaki pants, glasses, draw a goatee and put on that Heisenberg hat and boom. Other AMC characters are winners too. “The Walking Dead” is a new spin on the classic zombie costume. “Mad Men” is perfect for those of you brave enough to wear nice clothes on Halloween in college and I dare any confident soul to pull off the Cooper ‘stache. “Duck Dynasty” is another relatively easy costume theme to pull off. Get yourself some of Walmart’s finest camo, a fake beard, and call it a day (bonus points awarded to those who rock a real beard). Still stumped? Consider some of these other currently trendy personas to manifest:
-Miley Cyrus
-The Fox
-Manti Teo’s girlfriend (or any Catfish)
-Amanda Bynes
-A Candy Crush board
-Carlos Danger (Anthony Wiener)
-Paula Deen
-The government shutdown… dress as the Statue of Liberty and put a “CLOSED” sign on yourself. Boom.
Sexy Costumes
Lindsay Lohan circa “Mean Girls” has been painfully overdone, but it’s always well received (especially by the male population). It’s not that girls have to bear all for the sake of a costume, but if you got it, flaunt it. If you don’t got it, fuck it, it’s Halloween.
There’s the classics like the Playboy Bunny, sexy witch, school girl, etc. but the creative sexy costumes are definitely the funniest. Why not try dressing as a sexy Walter White, or a sexy Target employee? Literally any noun can become a sexy costume, so get creative. Girls, make your way over to yandy.com for some inspiration. They have sexy versions of everything from the Statue of Liberty, to straight jackets, to pizza. They also have a section for “Costumes to Twerk In.” Do with that what you will.
Guys, we should also embrace the sexy costumes too. Spending twenty six hours at the gym every day should not be hidden under some bulky pimp suit. Go ahead and be a sexy mailman, or a sexy George Clooney from “Gravity”. If your girl is dressing as a sexy pizza there’s no reason why you can’t be a sexy Parmesan shaker.
Wrong Holiday Costumes
My favorite costume has always been dressing up for the wrong holiday. I think it’s hilarious to show up as a leprechaun in a sea of vampires and sexy cops. Almost every holiday has a costume for you:
Baby New Year
Cupid
Pilgrims and Native Americans
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Mardi Gras masks and beads
Uncle Sam
The Holiday Armadillo and Superman
This year I’m going as Santa Claus because everyone loves Santa and girls always ask to “sit on your lap.” But as the night goes on, so do the guys, and they start crying that they want validation from their parents for Christmas, so be ready.
You’re almost guaranteed to go to a costume party in the coming weeks. Aside from that, I already know that you’re coming to the Gainesville Scene Pub Crawl tomorrow (October 29th). Like your mother always said, start planning now. Halloween is the one time of year we get to dress as whatever the fuck we want without judgement and the possibility of people not recognizing us. It’s an opportunity for some serious self-expression. Pick something that makes you laugh, is comfortable enough and still makes you look good, and remember that anything can be a costume. Choose carefully and strategically, it’ll be one of the few decisions you won’t regret that night.
