Let me set the scene for you.
A guy comes up to you in a crowded bar and asks to buy you a drink. You’re not all that interested in accepting a drink from this guy for whatever reason, but you don’t want to be rude either.
You offer up the clever lie that women have been using since cohabitation in caves began. “No, thank you. I have a boyfriend.”
And, now you’re free to enjoy the rest of your night.
Via: cosmopolitan.com
But, you’re not free. You’ve fallen victim to yet another societal creation that ranks women below men.
The problem with those seemingly innocent words, “I have a boyfriend,” is that you’re perpetuating a world in which women feel the need to spare a guy’s feelings simply to protect his fragile ego. Well, I say that’s bullshit. We should feel free to reject someone’s advances purely on the basis of having zero interest in them without having to worry about how that person will react to said rejection.
There are multiple reasons I find the lie “I have a boyfriend” problematic.
First, why are we worrying about some creepy club dude’s feelings when he’s trying to insert himself into your social or dance circle? He certainly doesn’t have your feelings in mind when he ignores the fact that you keep turning away from him. Subtle hints of “Hey, I’m really not interested” don’t work, so it’s time to stop being polite and start getting real, as the saying goes.
Via: quickmeme.com
I’m not condoning outright bitchery because then you’re “just being a bitch.” I think that it is entirely possible to get your disinterest across without having to lie or be rude. A simple, “Thanks, but no thanks” or something to that effect will get the job done. And if he’s the persistent type, be more firm in your rejection. Stand up for yourself and your principles by being strong and honest. And if that doesn’t work, then get your bitch face on.
The second bone I have to pick with this phrase is the fact that it has the potential to produce some very agressive responses from guys who are constantly looking to compete for alpha male status — or douchebag-of-the-century, to be more accurate.
Competition is a part of human nature. The male species is genetically predetermined to compete for female attention due to the potential for passing on its spawn versus the spawn of another man. By telling a guy that you have a boyfriend, you may have inadvertently awakened some primal need within this man’s brain that makes him feel the need to win the right to your uterus. He will then never leave you alone, which makes the soft “no” you were dishing out turn into a long, hard nightmare for yourself.
Via: siliconvalleybachelor.com
It’s not out of respect for you or your wishes. It’s out of respect for a figment of a male persona you’ve created to get the very real creeper away from you. Not to mention that in rejecting him in this manner, you’ve unknowingly implied that you are not interested in him solely because you have a boyfriend. You have now fed his ego and readied him to harass yet another unsuspecting girl in the bar all because you didn’t want hurt him.
It’s unfortunate that we live in a world where we have to fear the actions of other people when they can’t handle rejection. However, if we continue to coddle people because of that fear, how can we ever expect society to change?
Featured photo courtesy of: blacklapel.com
