This is a guest post by TampabayScene’s Juliana White
Maybe it’s all the transients that end up here. Maybe it’s just the weather. Either way, there is no question in any American’s mind that Florida is a weird state. It has some of the strangest news items in the entire country (man stabs friend over last beer, 77-year old man robs bank, flees using walker, Atheist attacks roommate because he thought he was Jesus), is ranked number one in government corruption and has the highest rate of hate crimes against the homeless.
Aside from Floridians’ tendency to commit bizarre felonies and our politicians’ sticky fingers, this state would seem to be just like any other, right? Wrong. Driving down the palm tree-lined streets and breathing in the 98 degree air apparently awakens the strangeness in people. But why exactly is Florida so weird? What precisely is it about this southernmost chunk of land that causes such irrational and jaw dropping behavior among its inhabitants?
The Heat
Although the desert states might have the highest overall temperatures, Florida’s subtropical climate means a different kind of heat that is much more potent. This is due to the overwhelming humidity that hangs over the entire place like a bloated piñata. Just try walking outside during the summer months without immediately breaking into a clothes-drenching sweat. It’s impossible.
This heat makes people edgy. There’s something about runny mascara and unavoidable pit stains that pushes people over that thin line between sanity and biting a neighbor’s ear off because he won’t give you his last cigarette. There is no doubt that the extreme climate contributes to the overall sense of hedonism and craziness among Florida natives.
Via: eatwatchrun.com
The Isolation
Even though Florida is in the South, we’ve never really been on board with the southern agenda. Instead of antebellum architecture we have beachfront high rise condos. Georgia has Stone Mountain, a Rushmore-like rock carving which honors Confederate heroes Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis. Florida has Disney World.
Some argue whether or not Florida should even be included in the traditional list of southern states. Despite the fact that Tallahassee was one of the only Confederate capitals that didn’t fall to the North, Florida is still the outcast of the South—the adopted ginger in a family of brunettes. Without a real sense of belonging with its neighboring states, Florida is a loner. This segregation might cause some feelings of isolation and eventual psychosis in local residents which leads them to commit strange crimes like staging fake burglaries to avoid going to work.
The Closeness to Sea Level
Florida is so dangerously near sea level that a shovel driven too deep into the Earth could start a flash flood. There are no basements and no underground bomb shelters leftover from the 1950’s. The entire peninsula precariously floats atop a crust of land so thin it might as well be a Communion wafer. In 100 years, Miami could be completely washed away by rising tides.
Living in a state so close to sea level is the equivalent of being on a knife’s edge. We floridians can feel this unease in a subconscious way, and no amount of strawberry daiquiri or Jimmy Buffet music can fix that. People on the edge apparently behave more erratically than people in the stable land-locked states.
Via: thinkstockphotos.co.uk
Don’t get me wrong, the Sunshine State is not without its charms. Where else can you experience a thunderstorm with hurricane-force winds and ten minutes later see the sun come out as if nothing ever happened? In what other state can you get a delicious empanada filled with crabmeat and cream cheese at a food truck outside of Wal-Mart? As a native Floridian, I sometimes find myself at odds with this place. However, despite the prevalence of strange and disturbing crimes, nothing will ever change the fact that Florida is home.
Featured photo courtesy of: outsidethebeltway.com
