You’re home from school and you’re bored. Like, ‘rull bored. Your one friend you still keep in touch with from high school invites you to a sketchy house party in that gated community all the cool kids used to live in. It turns out everyone is there, including all your “friends” from your awkward years and people you haven’t thought about since prom night. Then a girl starts talking to you. She’s really cute. Wait, what? That’s Sarah? She used to be HUGE, and I mean like “Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition” huge. You put that out of your mind because she’s hot now and she can actually hold a conversation. Score. (See, ladies, it’s only kinda about looks.)
The night goes well and even though you didn’t get an OTPHJ, you really like this girl. Good thing you went to high school with her and you were her fiftieth Facebook friend back in 2009. You start to stalk the shit out of her, trying to piece together her entire life since you’ve last seen her via your top-secret NSA style investigative technique–looking for bikini pics.
Via: someecards.com
Fellas, and some nosy ladies, looking for bikini pics is a grueling process. Even though Facebook’s timeline feature makes back-stalking to middle school a breeze, they’re still nearly impossible to track down. You have to trudge through all of her tagged photos, all of her photo albums, all of her cover photos and even attempt to look through her Instagram if she’s not private. (What secrets are you hiding?) Yeah, all you have to do is scroll through the icons, but it takes a lot more time than it ever should. We have more important things to do, like attempt to beat 2048. Do you know how many 1024 tiles I’ve had?
Finally, someone in Silicon Valley has read the letters that we sent to Washington (Okay, maybe only I wrote letters to Washington. But why would Silicon Valley get my letters to Washington? Did I address them correctly?). A new app that was apparently named by the Soprano’s Big Pussy, Badabing!, makes all of our lives that much easier. Using a photo-recognition algorithm, the app scans your friend’s Facebook photos for bikini pics, which you can then bookmark or share.
Via: kevinsoulas.com
From what I can tell, the app is mainly used for guys to peruse through girls’ pics. It’s easy to look at this app and immediately yell that it’s objectifying, anti-feminist, chauvinistic and perpetuating unrealistic standards of beauty. While this may provide some creeps with easy-access jerk-off material (that’s way too creepy for me, respect your friends), it’s really just a matter of curiosity. In the story I set up before, the app would really be used just to see what she looks like now. You’ve already established you liked this girl and it’s a bonus if she has a tight body too, but it’s not going to make or break it.
Men are shallow creatures, but so are women. I know you girls are looking through our photos for shirtless pics just as often as we look for bikini pics because, truth be told, the thirst is real. Badabing! is just another app, among countless others, that try to help us quench that thirst.
Featured photo courtesy of: Electrik Beach
