Despite its unassuming location on a map, lil’ ole Gainesville can be an overwhelming place for the new batch of Gators preparing to swarm The Swamp for the first time this summer B. It’s humid, it’s drunk and it’s filled with its fair share of toothless residents. To ensure the highest possible survival rate for this year’s freshies, GainesvilleScene has graciously put together the most crucial do’s and don’ts of freshman summer B.
Upperclassmen, read along and let the tears of nostalgia fall gracefully on your laptop.
Freshmen, go ahead and make GainesvilleScene your homepage and take this advice to heart.
Do: Get lost walking around campus. Better it happen in summer than in fall. Plus, there’s no better way to get to know your new home than by exploring.
Don’t: Become dependent on the UF map app to get you everywhere. Look up from your phone and notice your surroundings, ask someone and don’t be a pussy.
Do: Get well acquainted with Midtown. It will quickly become your new best friend/worst enemy.
Don’t: Go into Mochi while you’re waiting for the Later Gator near Swamp. You will be tempted. Despite what Drunk-You might think, your mouth doesn’t count as a sample cup.
Do: Use this time train your liver for fall semester. Game days are no joke and you won’t make it past kickoff with a low tolerance.
Don’t: Black out at the pre-game. College drinking is a very different animal than stealing your parents’ liquor after prom.
Do: Take advantage of SNAP after one too many brewskis. It’s like the magic school bus for drunk freshmen.
Don’t: Mix pre-workout and alcohol. Just don’t.
Do: Purchase Certain Dri. So what if it’s cancer-in-a-stick and will cause your lymph nodes to swell? It prevents sweating, and it definitely says that on the bottle, so that’s ethical enough for us.
Don’t: Wear pants. Ever. It’s way too hot.
Do: Read through our sorority rush guides if you’re planning on going Greek.
Don’t: Spend the whole summer obsessing over which house you want.
Do: Immediately download the Gainesville Guide.
Don’t: Ever delete it.
Do: Pack carefully and leave the bedazzled Gator tracksuit Auntie Barbara got you for your graduation at home.
Don’t: Bring everything you own to college. You’re going to have to move out in six weeks and it will be a bitch to transport everything home and then into a new dorm.
Do: Go to as many frat parties as your liver and pride can handle, especially if you’re a guy. Frat events are open to everyone during the summer…It won’t be the same once fall rolls around.
Don’t: Mistake your summer bromance as a bid. Or promise to rush them (unless it gets you in).
Do: Try all the good restaurants while there’s no real wait. Grub and the Guide will get you started.
Don’t: Eat at restaurant chains. That little pizzeria down the street will appreciate your business more than Domino’s ever has…and the quality is incomparable.
Do: Drive as little as possible. But when you do, always park directly in the lines and never back into a UF parking spot.
Don’t: Ignore any parking signs…ever. “UF Transportation and Parking Services” and “The City of Gainesville” do not fuck around. They have no mercy.
Do: Ride your party wave. You’re young enough to be irresponsible and smart enough to catch up if you fall behind.
Don’t: Come into summer unprepared for illness. Consistent late night alcohol binges may prolong your hangover, but your immune system will have its revenge. Beer may be your fair weather friend but Emergen-C will have your back.
Do: Longboard as much as possible. No one is on campus; this is your boarding paradise. Definitely check out the stadium and the spiral walk-way.
Don’t: Wipe out going down Center Dr. It’s a sled straight into hell. No one will hear your screams.
Do: Always claim you’ve never smoked weed before at parties. People LOVE to smoke out freshmen. You will have the ganja thrust on you at every corner, free of charge. Enjoy.
Don’t: Be rude. Take your hit and pass it back to the nice strangers.
Do: Lie to frat dudes and tell them you were at one of their game days last year. They won’t remember and they will believe you, and that makes you cool.
Don’t: Become a summer groupie of one fraternity. There’s no rush to get labeled as a “(insert fraternity letters here) slut.” You’ve got four years.
Do: Spend your parents’ at money at Beaty Market/Graham Oasis whenever possible. You will need a Gatorade and granola bar for hungover mornings.
Don’t: Spend all your money on Chipotle. Only 3/4 of your budget can go to Mexican. That’s called fiscal responsibility.
Do: Learn how to cook. Not only is it vital for life, but now that you’re on your own it’s time to save your money for truly important things i.e. slushies at Fat Daddy’s.
Don’t: Buy the Smokin’ Notes for Man’s Food, for fuck’s sake.
University Gardens
Do: Explore Gainesville’s great outdoors. We may not have the beach, but we have some damn good nature spots.
Don’t: Go visit home every weekend or stay in your room Skyping friends/family/long-distance lover. Of course you’ll get homesick sometimes, but you need to embrace your new home for the next four years.
Do: Be resourceful and just download the textbook e-book for free. Trust me, it’s out there. Don’t be the dumb freshman spending $350 at the Florida Bookstore.
Don’t: Stress out about your Gen-Eds. You’ll be surprised at how easy it is to pull through with an “A” after six weeks of Skol and and one sleepless night of preparation.
Do: Explore downtown. You’ll have roughly 300 Facebook invites for DayGlo, but neon paint will quickly leave a bad taste in your mouth (and eyes and nose and probably ears), so opt for some of the more laid back nightlife options.
Don’t: Buy tickets for every electronic show coming to Simon’s. There is plenty of other groovy music to experience elsewhere (e.g. High Dive).
Do: Meet new people. Branch out. Experiment.
Don’t: Only hang out with your high school friends.
Do: Make the effort to get to know bouncers, bartenders and all the staff at your favorite bars. “Please,” “thank you” and “have a good night” (plus a nice tip) go a really long way in this town.
Don’t: That being said, don’t be creepy to the bartenders. Yes, the Cantina girls are hot. No, they don’t want your number.
Do: Meet new people. Branch out. Experiment. There’s a reason this is on here twice.
Don’t: Only hang out with your high school friends.
Do: Be careful with drinking at bars. No matter how good you think your fake ID is, cops will be handing out MIPs like toys on Christmas.
Don’t: Panic, drop your drink on the ground and try to moonwalk away from an approaching police officer. Put your drink down on the nearest surface and play it cool.
Do: Revel in the dorm life. It’s tiny, it’s shitty, but it’s a once in a lifetime living arrangement, so make the best of it.
Don’t: Move in with five other people for the first time and expect it to be like an episode of “Friends.”
Do: Go to outrageous pool parties. Nothing says college like a floating beer pong table.
Don’t: Flash anyone at one of said pool parties. It’s too early in the game to destroy your college reputation with topless photos.
Do: Have the time of your life, damnit.
Don’t: Take a moment of it for granted.
Welcome to The Swamp.
