Phew! The school year is finally wrapping up.
You’ve done enough mediocre work to keep your GPA afloat, secured an internship that will no doubt have zero impact on your professional future, you got someone to sublease your apartment over the summer for $15 a month and you even lost a few pounds from Adderall during finals week. While it might feel like you’re #killinthegame, there’s a daunting issue you need to tackle before you leave this school year behind. You need to figure out if you’re a Gainesville Basic Bitch.
If you’ve seen the CollegeHumor video about Basic Bitch syndrome you might have some idea where you stand, but it’s time to really look at your life here in Gainesville and properly evaluate.
- You’ve purchased sorority letter stickers in bulk. For your car, your laptop, even your lower back. (When he’s gettin’ it from behind you gotta make sure he remembers you’re top tier.)
- You’ve Instagramed a photo of your Starbucks cup with your name spelled wrong on it. #imnotSarah #imSara #wtf.
- Your outfit during the day includes: nike shorts (norts) and comfort color pocket tees (frocket tees).
- Your outfit during the night includes: cutoff high-waisted shorts and a crop top and/or Tobi kimono.
- You say you “got ratchet” everytime you get tipsy or go downtown.
- You use #BLESSED.
- You put Mio in everything. Even beer.
- At least one of your Instagrams has a #killinthegame caption. Doesn’t matter if it’s a photo of a potted plant or a picture of you with Beyoncé.
- You “check-in” at Wolfgang for 10% off.
- You hit “share on facebook” and “share on twitter” with every Instagram. Your over-edited face is worth three social media platforms.
- You wear your spirit jersey more often than you actually hang out with girls in your chapter.
- On average, you post two Buzzfeed articles on your friends’ walls each day.
- You love Lana Del Rey, but you don’t know any of her songs except “Summertime Sadness.”
- You’ve taken a picture at The Swamp to show the Instagram world that you’re “working out”. #stadiums
- If the sun is out, you’re in a Victoria’s Secret bathing suit on the Broward lawn.
- You “can’t even” every time chapter runs longer than 45 minutes. “Real Housewives of _____” comes on at 9, and you have shit to do.
- You get to Rowdy’s early to take group pictures.
- You took a champagne shower picture on the football field in your cap/gown.
- You ask for more lime juice in your vodka soda.
Every time there’s a “techno” show at Simon’s you wear a neon crop top, plastic glasses with the lenses punched out and face jewels that you stole from the scrapbooking section of Michael’s.- You saw the DG “I’m on a Boat” video at least twice before you even rushed.
- You were visibly upset at the Library West Starbucks when you realized Pumpkin Spice season was over.
- Elite Daily would be your homepage if home pages still existed.
- You request the entire contents of the “Frozen” soundtrack at Rowdy’s.
- If you didn’t Instagram your Spicy Tuna Don or Mt. Fuji Roll, did you even really eat it?
- You use the “Naked 2″ regularly. (Yes, that’s eye enhancing shadow and not the sequel to a fairly popular porno.)
- You’re social media bios adhere to the strict formula: School, Sorority, John Lennon/Audrey Hepburn quote, Emoji.
- You keep your mouth shut about Miley Cyrus because you’re still not quite sure if it’s cool to like her or hate her.
- Jake Ross has bought you a blow job shot.
- You have unironically told a frat bro that “if he can’t handle you at your worst, then he doesn’t deserve you at your best.”
- You’ve said the words “Let’s share a fishbowl!” at least twice.
Featured photo courtesy of: Pinterest
