In the words of a true American hero, Ron Swanson, “If it doesn’t have meat, it is a snack.”
Gainesville Scene whole-heartedly agrees with this sentiment and when it comes to finding the most mouth-watering meat masterpieces in Gainesville, we’ve got you covered.
Now, step away from the drive-thru…
Gainesville Scene’s guide to burgers:
Brittany’s pick – Red Onion
I don’t always eat burgers, but when I do, I prefer them to be loaded with amenities, bursting with flavor and bigger than the size of my head.
Who am I kidding? I always eat burgers.
My favorite spot is the Red Onion Neighbourhood Grill – because if you’re going to gorge on 50,000 calories, make sure it’s a sin your stomach can repent later on. Head over to the “Handheld” section of their menu and order the Red, Black and Blue. Do not pass “GO.” Do not collect $200.
Really, every one of their burgers is intricate; a rare breed of beef in a fast-food-oriented college town. The menu trades extra grease for refreshing toppings, like apple slices, and other homemade perks, like their in-house red onion rings (featured on said burger along with blue cheese crumbles, and yes, to die for.) Classic diners can enjoy a reliably delicious reuben or French dip, or go for something crazy like the Chile Popper. With raspberry chipotle sauce, melted cream cheese and Jalapenos, you shouldn’t take a date here if you have any interest in getting a kiss, but your inner fat kid will be proud of your dietary prowess.
For a full experience, make sure you shelve out that extra $1 for a side of sweet potato fries. The Grill can be counted on for a number of delicious dishes, live music, and a great time, any time. It’s impossible to steer yourself, or your stomach, the wrong way.
Jake’s pick – Reggae Shack, Licky-licky
“Authentic Caribbean cuisine for a fair price, can’t beat it.”
“Dank, slow ass service though.”
“I all the way fucks with this place.”
“Idk, I’ve never been there.”
“Lebron, two time champion, get out of my face.”
These are just some of the responses I received when asking some local Gainesville residents about their Reggae experience. Known as one of the most unique burger joints in the ‘ville, the only disappointment comes after your meal…One student described their experience as:
“an Adele remix, it set fire to my batty hole”
Located on W. University, these Jamaican jerk style burgers will have you dancing on the tables like a rude boy. They’re super, super rich and there is a ton of marinade game going on, so don’t let it sit too long or YOU GON’ HAVE A SOGGY BUN BWOY. The fries are covered in a dutty seasoning, which consists of some delicious brown sugar to ease down the hot fiyah going on in your mouth. If you’re on that vegan bandwagon they have an awesome selection, including a wide array of tofu and salads. A great choice all around.
Emma’s pick – The Top
They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I say that red meat is the most important food group, so naturally, I aim to kill two birds with one burger. At The Top, located on North Main Street in downtown Gainesville, I am able to do just that. Their Good Morning burger, an 8-ounce all natural Black Angus masterpiece, is stacked with bacon (enough bacon to make the dog from the Ultimate Dog Tease video cry), cheddar cheese and a fried egg cooked to your liking. If you’re not into the morning fiesta, their Widow Maker, with chill-espresso rub, bacon, fried onions, grilled Portobello mushrooms, and smoked gouda and cheddar cheese, will certain provide your mouth with a taste experience like no other. C’mon…when have you ever had anything rubbed with chill and espresso? With a hipster vibe and affordable prices, you can feel cool and causal while you chow down and on certain nights there are ridiculously cheap shots of Jameson available to make your burger extravaganza even more fantastic. For the herbivores out there: 1) I’m surprised you’ve read this far in the article and 2) The Top offers black bean burgers, Portobello mushroom burgers and garden burgers as well.
Matt’s pick – Sweel Mel’s
“You tryin’ to go out out tonight?”
“Yeah, where’s everyone going?”
“Stanky Mels, it’s Thursday, bro.”
Via: visitgainesville.com
Let’s just say today isn’t Thursday and you’re not trying to go to “Stanky Mel’s”. Today, it is
every single day besides Thursday and it is time togo get some dinner downtown at a casual burger joint, Sweet Mel’s. Sweet Mel’s has some of the largest burgers I’ve ever seen in my life at what I would call one of the few Gainesville sports bars downtown. If you’re looking for an average sized burger for the average human at an above-average price, you’re in the wrong place. At Mel’s I find myself comparing it to about one and a half times the size of burgers that Swamp serves and with more variety in toppings (from crazy curled onion rings to the Big Cheese, which is a burger served in between two grilled cheese sandwiches; oh what up 420 munchies?) for half the price. The burgers themselves are astonishingly juicy and everyone loves some loaded fries on the side.
Now, let’s just say, today IS Thursday. It’s 5 p.m., you’re hungry and you have no class tomorrow. My advice? Go get a fat burger from Sweet Mel’s, go back home, get changed and go back to the same location (which has now transformed to “Stanky Mel’s”) on a full stomach and drink ‘til you sink. Drink. ‘Til. You. Sink.
Gyt’s pick - Relish
You’re out at midtown, but you’re not feeling the crowd and your mind keeps wandering to thoughts of a cheeseburger. There’s no better place to relish in those tasty thoughts than Relish, located next to Pita Pit on University. But just how tasty are those thoughts? Tasty? Double tasty? Dare I say, triple tasty? Go big or go home (Actually, the bigger you go, the more likely you’re ending your night early). While Gainesville has its fair share of awesome burgers, the juicy patties at Relish are the most accessible from campus and the perfect food after/during your night out drinking. How do you like your burger dressed? Just ketchup? You’re an embarrassment, but they’ve got you covered. Egg, jalapeno, pineapple? Relish has any topping you’d want to turn your burger into a thing of beauty, a deliciously massive thing of beauty. So next time the bars aren’t doing it for you, or just whenever, hit up Relish for a seriously scrumptious burger.
