Midtown, frat parties, Tinder — we’re constantly on the search for beautiful, interesting people, whether we want a “slam,” a significant other or just companionship. A little bit like running through the same maze over and over, this whole rat race of a dating game has been getting exhausting. Maybe that’s why my interest was piqued when I met a fifth year engineering senior who doesn’t really describe himself as a “relationship guy.” Normally this would set off my red flags for douchebaggery but for some reason, after the past few years of washed up relationships with boys who boasted about their boyfriend prowess, I was impressed.
This perspective was refreshingly honest and relieving — a boy who wasn’t looking for convenience or an escape from watching Netflix alone. When I was a freshman in college one of my best friends from high school married her long time boyfriend. She was only a few months older than me. Terrified of this fate, I left for college with the firm determination to try all the candy until I found my favorite flavor. I wouldn’t walk into marriage without at least a few boyfriends under my belt. It made sense, right? You wouldn’t get hired for a job without citing some work experience and previous recommendations. Wrong. Recent studies have proven that the more relational experience you have the less likely you are to be happy in marriage.
Via: webneel.com
In a generation where serial monogamy has become the norm we’re making the huge mistake of living out the mantra “there are plenty of fish in the sea.” Being alone is scary for most people and in a generation where phones and computer screens have taken the place of human connection we are all craving some sort of relational intimacy. So, we decide to take every opportunity to connect, form relationships or just hook up. You may not marry the person but it’s the experience that counts, right? Here is where we’re getting it wrong. More experience equals more baggage.
According to a study done by the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, our generation’s mindset is doing us a disservice. The National Marriage project claims that the constant cycle of breakups and rebounds has led to more marital unhappiness. Even though it seems counterintuitive, maybe we should consider some of the ramifications of our hookup culture. How many times do we find ourselves sitting on a couch indulging in wine (drinking until we black out) because our hearts got broken one more time? We swear off the opposite sex and love and everything in between. Cycling between breakups, rebounds and the like can leave us with a taste in our mouth about as pleasant as Skol vodka mixed with too little sprite. This study claims the negative feelings linger throughout our lives and affect our capability of happiness once we find “true love.”
Rhoades and Stanley also claim that our FOMA doesn’t end once marriage begins. We all want options. Isn’t there a rule somewhere that you must have at least three slam options at all times? Maybe if we could create a composite of all the individual traits we appreciate from everyone we’ve ever met then we would be satisfied. How could our future mate ever compete with this perfect image in our minds? I would personally love someone with the height of my third boyfriend, the abs of my second, the humor of my first and the finances of my fifth boyfriend. Unfortunately, this study proves our past experiences often lead to unfair comparisons between our current lover and past relationships. Our desire to hold out for the next best option doesn’t magically disappear once we put a ring on it.
Finally, maybe this guy I would originally have scoffed at for his George Clooney persona is doing it right. Instead of wasting time with people because we’re scared of being alone, we should be more afraid of the possibility of losing valuable time we’ve been given to grow and become awesome on our own.
Featured photo courtesy of: whatsoningbo.com
Trending Now
