An Open Letter to Freshmen Girls

Dear Anxious, Naïve, Party-going, Shot-taking, Far-out Freshman Girl,

You have a favorable position in life right now. You can go to any fraternity house, bar or apartment and most likely be greeted with free shit. You can flirt and/or cry yourself out of any situation. The world (Gainesville) is your oyster. Take advantage of it, soak it in, but most importantly, don’t abuse it.

I am a gentleman and I understand the importance of being respectful towards women, but there is a sense of entitlement carried by you and your friends that rubs me the wrong way. Without exaggeration, hundreds of dollars are thrown directly at you in the form of mixed Skol shots and Nattys, but I still hear you say, “OMG that shot was way too strong!”

Are you fucking serious? Too strong?

You are getting wasted four times a week FOR FREE and you are complaining that your vodka shot was too strong. Oh, I’m so sorry your free shot wasn’t enjoyable. I’ll make sure to put less free alcohol in this one.

Also, the amount of options you have in regards to nighttime party locations is absurd. “Should we go to the frats? Midtown or nahh?” Like damn shawty! Pick a spot! But really though, enjoy the fact that you have tons of places to tickle your liquor fancy. You will only have this freedom for another three years. After that you will soon realize beer and vodka doesn’t grow on trees or magically appear at the end of a rainbow.

I guess Tupac was right, “that’s just the way it is.” And I’ve grown to understand just exactly what Pac is laying down, but pimpin’ ain’t easy, nor is it cheap. If I were in your position, hell, I’d go out every night. But don’t complain about the drinks or a place being too packed because we’re all making sacrifices to stay on our alcohol grind, men and women alike.

You have a great life, but you aren’t untouchable. I’m not telling you to stop partying and flirting because that’s against my moral code, but give us guys a little credit. Obviously we aren’t asking you to panty drop because we are giving you free beer…that’s just ridiculous, but a simple thank you goes a long way. Maybe then your shot won’t be too strong, but just right.

Sincerely,

Fed Up Fraternity Male

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