We all know the drill.
Lick the salt. Pound down the shot. Suck the lime. Wake up the next morning on a guy named Mike’s couch wearing a Sombrero that was most likely purchased at a Dollar General with an arm covered in colored wrist bands.
We are all very aware of the effects of alcohol.
Some people like to display their mistaken ability to master human strength via bar fights and “I got this; hold my beer” moments. Others feel the need to jam their mouths with comfort food while crying over hidden issues. And then you always have that one girl with her heels in one hand and a shot in the other screaming “Go America” mid face plant.
But no matter what type of drunk you are, we all have the same question in the morning: “Why the fuck did I (insert heinous act here) last night?
It’s a pretty reasonable question to ask considering the fact that drinking alcohol is probably the closest we will ever come to being like our ancestors — the apes.
With the help of Lori Knackstedt, an assistant professor at the University of Florida’s Psychology Department, I was able to understand the science behind a beer-soaked brain.
Via: Flickr
“Bro, last night I was a savage. I said and did things I would never do sober.”
Yeah, basically that’s how it works.
Alcohol disinhibits. It does this by slowing down the part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex’s main job is to control intense emotions and impulses; it helps to guide our judgement. Basically, our prefrontal cortex tells us not to make asses out of ourselves in public.
When we drink, this function is slowed down to the point where it almost stops working all together. So, what does this mean?
We lose all sense of rational thought.
“It will cause people to kind of make decisions that they wouldn’t ordinarily make if they were sober, and often times make bad decisions, like getting in a fight when a police officer is around the corner,” Knackstedt said.
The part of the brain that inhibits irrational judgement is now broken, and we act on any and all thoughts, emotions or urges that we have.
Turns out there’s truth to the old adage “drunken words are sober thoughts.”
Via: indulgy
“Is alcohol a stimulant or depressant? When I drink, I get pretty wild. Doesn’t a depressant slow our nervous system down?”
Crazy enough, it’s both.
In low doses, alcohol is actually a stimulant. That’s why after the first couple of shots you take, you get rowdy and hyper — sometimes your clothes fall off, etc.
Once you start consuming more Fireball and $2 doubles, however, you start to feel the sedative effects of alcohol and turn into the hot mess you view on your snap story the next day.
“Last night I passed out on a pool table. How was that even comfortable?”
When you’re drunk, you can pass out anywhere. I’m sure you’ve seen or have partaken in the drunken makeshift bed system yourself.
The prefrontal cortex isn’t the only part of the brain that slows down when alcohol is introduced — our medulla is impacted too. The medulla is located in our brain stem and controls breathing, heart rate and other involuntary actions. If the medulla is slowed, so is our control of involuntary actions.
It’s essentially putting a halt on our most basic functions and we just pass out…anywhere.
This is also why too much alcohol leads to overdoses that kill people. If the brain stem is slowed down too much, the most important involuntary action we have stops, i.e.: your heart beat.
“I get all sloppy and fumble around when I drink.”
The sloppiness is you. The fumbling around is because your cerebellum, which controls balance, is being affected.
“I don’t remember a single thing that happened last night. I completely blacked out.”
You don’t remember and you never will.
That’s right, folks. It isn’t that you forget memories when you’re drunk, you don’t form them at all. There are two neurotransmitters in our brain called glutamate and acetylcholine that help form memories. Alcohol messes with these transmitters and prevents any memory formation or storage in our brain.
You literally black out when you drink too much. There is a part of your night when your brain simply isn’t creating memories for you anymore.
So, the next time you’re twerking at a gas station at 2 a.m. or telling your Uber driver how much you love your sorority sister who is currently passed out on your lap, you’ll know why.
Here’s to a night of no memories whatsoever and acting on every nonsensical urge you’ve ever had.
In the words the esteemed Jamie Foxx:”Blame it on the alcohol.”
