Although we love to view the world in absolutes, things are seldom black and white.
Heroes have skeletons in their closets and assholes secretly donate money to the ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan.
Okay, maybe not.
The point is that the world is a complex place, full of moral ambiguity, double standards and mixed feelings. So we have taken it upon ourselves to bring back the epic binary of good versus bad, right versus wrong and virtuous versus evil.
We humbly present to you Asshole and Hero of the Week.
Via: Outdoor Overload
Asshole: This bear
That’s right, boys and girls.
This brown bear was strolling through a suburban neighborhood before finding a lost deer in some guy’s backyard.
The man filming was visiting his family and noticed the bear and probably heard screams of agonizing pain as the bear chomped down on the deer.
Now I’m not saying this bear is wrong for fulfilling his natural desires — hell, I’ve eaten a box of Popeye’s with more ferocity — but like Coach Delard told me in middle school when I asked about masturbation, there’s a time and a place.
And that time and place is not a reuniting family’s backyard.(Both for savagely eating deer and masturbating.)
Seriously, though. The bear attacked the deer and let it screech and holler and writhe in pain. Surely Grandpa had some flashbacks to his time in ‘nam. Even I had a few, to the time I watched “The Deer Hunter.”
Bambi managed to blast off some screams that sounded worse than when vuvuzelas took over the World Cup a few years back. And I just won’t stand for playing with your food.
Brown Bear, for picking the wrong place and time and playing with your food, you’re an asshole.
Via: Countercurrent News
Hero: Officer Joe Crystal
I suppose I should say former officer Joe Crystal, of the Baltimore Police Department.
Joe Crystal has been shunned by the Baltimore Police Department for standing up for justice, according to the Huffington Post.
When Crystal witnessed his partners, Sgt. Mariano Gialamas and officer Anthony Williams, beat a handcuffed suspect on the ground, he knew he couldn’t keep quiet. He reported the two for police brutality to Internal Affairs and has since been labeled a “rat cop” and been tormented and threatened by nearly every policeman in Baltimore.
Guys, it’s upsetting that the plot of “Mean Girls” extends even to police departments.
Crystal has been tormented and teased and forced to leave Baltimore for Florida. And you can freaking bet his name is in their Burn Book. When he got called back to Baltimore to receive a commendation from the colonel for a different case – they dumped pig’s blood on him!
No, I’m just kidding. But they did snub his award and never announced his name. That’s right. They encouraged him to fly out and dress up for a very prestigious award and then never announced it.
It’s people like Joe Crystal that shouldn’t be forgotten about, folks. Yes, cops have been trash lately. But it’s the deeply embedded fraternization of it all that keeps out true knights.
You did good, Crystal. You did good.
Maybe now that you’re in Florida, you can join the Tallahassee Police Department and find out who stole my bike.
Featured photo courtesy of: The Huffington Post
