In a piece of news that everyone and their Tinder matches already knows about, Apple unveiled the final details of their first entry into the smart watch market, the Apple Watch.
Now that we’ve heard Apple’s propaganda about how this device will change our lives the same way the iPhone did, we’ve also had a minute to digest the product. As it stands, four out of five dentists agree, the Apple Watch is stupid.
Yes, I said it.
The Apple Watch is stupid. Not the cool kind of stupid that used to mean good in the era of Nelly and Ja-Rule, but the real kind of stupid that just means plain unnecessary.
You see, folks, Apple has a big problem with this product. No, it’s not the physical design, which is beautiful. It’s not the price point. (Most people will be perfectly comfortable shelling out $350).
The problem is that it’s, well, a smart watch. And smart watches are anything but smart.
Via: Wearable World News
These tiny computers that are meant to live on our wrists are part of a bigger trend in technology known as wearables.
Any “wearable” is just a device that is worn on the body like an accessory or piece of clothing. This ranges from smartwatches and fitness trackers like the Fitbit to Google Glass and clothing with sensors integrated right into the fabric itself.
It’s pretty neat stuff, but it hasn’t really taken off in the market. It’s really not very expensive to make a shirt that measures your heart rate, and most fitness trackers that are just sleek black bracelets only cost about $100.
A lot — and I mean a shit ton — has been written on the Apple Watch and the wearables market, in general. Tech writers and business analysts have torn apart every aspect of the product, and most agree that it will really only be popular in Asia.
The problem with the Apple Watch is that it is a smart watch, which is a wearable, and wearables simply suck. They really serve no purpose except to look stupid. Wearables are meant as just a source of more information to throw in your face. They can give you activity info, health stats and push all your social media notifications to your wrist. All this functionality is kind of pointless.
As far as health goes, most people don’t need any of the information these devices offer. If you’re an active person, you already know when you didn’t have the most active day. If you’re a lazy fatso, you should already know you’re a lazy fatso, so you don’t need a piece of plastic on your wrist to tell you that.
Via: BBC News
Calorie-counting is already dangerous territory, leading to paranoia and behaviors reminiscent of eating disorders, and this new information can only make that worse. The same technology that tracks your activity levels can also track your sleep patterns and, to be honest, when you wake up in the morning, you already know if you slept well or not.
These also only track your moving activity. They don’t know jack squat about what you do in the weight room. Some of these devices can monitor your heart rate and try to figure out how hard you lifted that day, but that’s a highly inaccurate science. Also, your phone has all the sensors necessary to give you the same exact information with the same level of accuracy.
We’re already walking around all day with our noses in our phones and only go out so we can take cute pics to post to Instagram because we’re thirsty for likes. You already get annoyed that your phone lights up every time someone you hooked up with freshman Summer B is liking your latest pic (#popularproblems), so why would anyone throw that experience on your wrist?
As over-connected as we are, it’s still nice to take a few minutes of solitude. As easy as it is to stare at your phone all day, it’s equally as easy to stick it in your pocket and forget about it for a few hours. Once that experience is on your wrist, or in your eye like with Google Glass, it’s that much more tempting to keep scrolling through endless feeds.
Via: Your News Wire
Wearable devices built for the masses offer no new functionality; they’re just an extra screen. They even require your phone to operate. It’s awkward to respond to a text on that tiny screen, or take a phone call on speakerphone for all to hear, and no in their right mind uses voice control for anything more than asking Siri where to hide a dead body. Apple Watch only solves the issue of wearables being ugly, but it has the same stupid purpose as every other device to hit the market.
The future of wearables in not with the masses.
The tracking power of these devices is limitless, but in no way is it for the hoi polloi to wear at all times like the companies making these devices seem to think. No one needs that much information about themselves all the time, whether the devices are pretty or not.
The only people who will buy the Apple Watch will be douchebags who want to look like they’re on-trend and cool with the tech world (the same people who are wearing other smart watches today), and JAP-y moms who need to shell out $17,000 for the Apple Watch Edition to keep up with the Joneses in their gated communities.
The Apple Watch and devices like it aren’t worth your money or your time. Save the $349 and just get the next iPhone or an iPad, or save the $17,000 and buy shots for everyone at Cantina. The world, and the people of Mid, will thank you.
Feature photo courtesy of: Yahoo
