There are a few guaranteed things you’ll have to navigate through in these rocky four years – chugging cheap beer, parallel parking and of course, the ins and outs of sex.
Gainesville is full of hot people and hormones run high. We’re all so hot in fact that the Daily Beast ranked us as number 13 on the list of 20 sexiest colleges. And when you’re that hot there’s only one thing to do when you meet other hot people…
Throughout the course of your college career you’ll probably have a bunch of mediocre sex, some mind blowing sex and also just plain weird sex. Here is a small sampling of the men you might run into:
Via: Her Campus
The Pleaser-An important fact to remember in the natural selection process of choosing a mate is that the man who doesn’t look like an Abercrombie model will probably try harder to please you in bed. It’s like they know what they’re making up for and trust me, they do make up for it. Yes, you might not look at them and instantaneously orgasm, but what they lack in raw talent they make up for with hard work. When you’re in the mood for a good time and don’t want to worry about whether your body matches up to his Adonis-like figure, call this boy. Pleasure is pretty much his specialty.
The One Great Packaging-On the flip side, we have the beautiful I’m-basically- a-Greek-god guy. I’m talking about six pack abs, chiseled jawline, beautiful eyes…This guy is the one who ignored you in high school but is now putty in your hands. The football quarterback who only ever dated cheerleaders is in your bed and you’re basically Taylor Swift. As much as I hate to say it, the buildup is amazing but the actual climax doesn’t quite deliver. This guy’s real job is to boost your ego. Feel free to creepily send shirtless pictures of him to your friends and high five yourself on that conquest.
The Harry Houdini-For me this guy was always the bad boy, no-good, troublemaker in my life. He had a badass tattoo, some questionable drinking habits and a somewhat complicated love life. He also had a unique tendency of coming around and sneaking into my bed right when I was looking for a rebound post messy breakup. Okay, well maybe I enticed him a little. There was always a guarantee that the next morning he would casually exit my life and stay radio silent for a few months until I gave him another opportunity to complicate things. This guy is fun because he’s a chase, not because the actual sex is mind-blowing. He’s a good in-between guy to keep in your phone book when you crave a little excitement.
Via: Glamour
The Older Guy-Maybe you’ve always fantasized about your TA, or even your professor; which is totally normal. Outside of fantasy, one should always have at least one encounter with a single, older, experienced man. Weddings are a good place to find this guy. Business school, law school, med school are all fair game, and it’s not just their education and loft apartment that will impress you, if you know what I mean. The maturity and experience are big “O” factors, but the financial stability and conversational skills are nice changes too. Yeah, you older men can get it every day of the week.
The Shakespeare of Sexting-Okay, so maybe his real life skills are lacking and maybe you’ve never even got the chance to experience them, but this guy can get you in a tizzy with just one text. His mastery of the English language and a camera phone are worth a notable mention. Maybe his future career lies in romance novel-writing, but regardless, this guy can give you competition in the sexting department. You know what you’re in for when you reach for your phone at 1 o’clock in the morning. HMU, you sexting beast.
Men of all sexual background and skill level, we want to…ahem…salute you.
Feature photo courtesy of: She Knows
