How to Tackle FL/GA

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An oldie but a goodie. Here’s a gem on FL/GA survival by our very own, Morgan Jenkins, originally published Oct. 31, 2013. #throwback

I love a good cocktail party. Especially when that cocktail party hosts approximately 200,000 redneck, bourbon-guzzling guests, each of whom have relatively loose morals and firm grasps on the concept of BYOB. On Saturday students, fans, and oddballs alike will pack up their finest game day duds, cheapest bottles, and highest hopes and venture to Everbank Stadium in Jacksonville to witness what is known to most as the most proclaimed rivalry in SEC football.

As a seasoned attendee, I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of this rowdy soiree and the debauched irregularities that take place surrounding its borders. So, without further ado, here are my Do’s and Don’t’s to consider this weekend.

DO’S

1. DO indulge in pulled pork and baked beans until you can’t see your feet or hear your conscience.

Since the dawn of time, tailgating has separated the men from the boys, the wheat from the chaff, and all other lackluster conferences from the SEC. And if tailgating is the essence of the Southeast, then consider Florida v. Georgia the Holy Grail. Everbank’s surrounding grounds are the Wonka Factory of cured meats, home-style sides, and bomb-diggity dips. If you’re at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, chances are pretty good that your voice of reason doesn’t shake a stick to that of temptation. In between sips of Bud Light and pulls of tequila, your body is eventually going to forget it’s dietary needs anyway. Pile your blue, plastic plate high with grilled goods, coleslaw, and starches, find a quiet corner with minimal witnesses, and drunkenly feast as if you were dining with God. You’re a Gator fan. You’ve earned it.

 

2. DO feel free to hate on that God Awful Georgia fight song

They don’t call it a rivalry for nothing. After awhile the repetition of the less than poetic “Go dawgs, sick em WOOF WOOF WOOF!” is going to feel like a swarm of gnats in your ear. When it comes down to school spirit, we’ve consistently earned top-tier credit amongst other universities nationwide. Just because we don’t have a home field advantage doesn’t mean that we can’t gator chomp in commitment to the good UF name in Jacksonville. Wear your orange and blue proudly and don’t hesitate to bite back at those mangy mutts if you get the chance.

3. DO hit up The Landing and beach bars.

As a life-long Jacksonvillian, I’ve heard many a warning about the hazardous, uncharted mystery that is the Jacksonville Landing. While it’s true that Jax nightlife can be somewhat unpredictable and its party-goers, a little unorthodox, The Landing circa FL v. GA weekend is an exception. With plenty of bars, eateries, and exclusive game day events, the festivities don’t have stop after the game. Especially if you’ve booked a swanky stay downtown, this strip of entertainment is sure to put you in fine pre and post game spirits. If you and your posse get the chance to infiltrate the less congested Jacksonville beaches prior to Saturday’s merrymaking, the 1st Street bars are not to be missed. Dress down, get amped and get your facey, little self on over to Shim Sham, The Pier, or Ritz for killer drink specials, relaxed vibes, and good times. Just make sure you’ve arranged transportation to and from, as drunk you could easily end up tucked in a comfortable bed of saw grass and sand in no time.

4. DO explore the scenery

The fanfare amongst downtown Jacksonville is quite a sight. Take a while to explore the different, eccentric tents, trucks, and tailgates on Tallyrand and in the J Lot and I promise that your thirst for bizarre sightings will quickly be quenched. Both Florida and Georgia have some pretty die-hard fanatics and you can bet your bottom dollar that they’ll be in rare form and in prime animation on November 2nd.

DON’T’S

1. DON’T swan drive into the J Lot Retention Pond.

Seems like a no-brainer, yet every year, without fail, some poor schmuck is either thrown, pushed, or willingly submerged into the black lagoon nearest the J Parking lot. Sometimes it’s via an intoxicated display of male-dominance. Sometimes it’s through an equally rum-driven, overconfident sense of athleticism. However you frame it, it always happens. My advice? Don’t let it be you. The last thing you want to gain from this weekend’s antics is a bad case hepatitis.

2. DON’T fuck with the horse cops.

There will be cops at Florida v. Georgia. They will be on horses. Two things you just shouldn’t poke, prod, or fuck with in any way are law enforcement officers and large, hoofed beasts. I don’t care if you’ve been taking riding lessons since you popped out of the womb. They will render useless, irrelevant, and potentially concussing if you attempt to reenact your fourth grade, ribbon winning dressage performance in a sea of blacked out adults and sober police. You’ll either end up in handcuffs or with a horseshoe-shaped dent in the back of your head. Perhaps this forewarning is obvious, but better to be safe than sorry.

3. DON’T get lost in RV City.

Days before the climactic event that is Florida v. Georgia, countless road homes, campers, and recreational vehicles have been anticipating this year’s game like its Christmas Eve and they have all coagulated in the appropriately dubbed “RV City”. What Chris Crocker is to Brittney Spears, these folks are to SEC football. And with each passing day, more and more of them park and rally, taking up nearly 10 square blocks of tailgating territory. While the Gator and Bulldog clad vehicles are definitely worth laying your eyes on, proceed into the uncharted depths of RV City with caution. In the spirit of Bourbon Street, keep your phone charged and explore the wonderfully Southern grounds with a compadre or two so as to prevent getting trapped in the mobile home maze with little hope of escape.

4. DON’T end up in the Georgia section.

If you’re planning on sitting out a round or two of flip cup to stress out about the condition of our offensive line for a few quarters, be sure your tickets correspond with seating in the Florida section. Everbank Stadium is split 50/50 in terms of Florida and Georgia ticket sales, which can be clearly seen at game time. Exactly half of the bleachers are clad in red and black and the other in glorious orange and blue. If you call yourself a Gator, plan on displaying your team support through your apparel, and expect to root for your team, make sure that you’re seats are far from the Georgia side. I’ve been there and lets just say that I came very close to verbally assaulting a teenage Bulldog with a low IQ and a dirty mouth. You’ll be able to enjoy the game a lot more amongst your comrades. And if we win. Otherwise, get out by the end of the third quarter don’t stop until you’ve been reunited with the real winner, Jack Daniels.

Don’t miss out on what will undoubtedly be the most exciting weekend that Everbank Field has seen since the demise of the Jags. Come hungry, come thirsty, and come ready for an epic day of celebration and decadence. Oh, and Go Gata.

Photo courtesy of: projectqatlanta.com