Gainesville is all about local — from our websites (shout out GainesvilleScene) to grocery stores (Ward’s) and countless restaurants, even our beer and popsicles.
Even though we’re all about the local life, we still need big, evil corporate conglomerates to meet our everyday needs. You just can’t cross everything off your shopping list at local, specialty stores when you need Windex, condoms, underwear and salad tossers.
Obviously, if this is what you need before your big night out (I’m not judging), you’re gonna head over to either Target or Walmart. At both stores, the process goes one of two ways every single time: You either go in, get exactly what you need and leave, or you wander around, picking up random things you think might come in handy in the future and end up spending $200 when you went in for toothpaste. Both Target and Walmart serve the same purpose, but they are, in my mind at least, not the same thing.
Via: pinterest.com
Disclaimer: I fucking hate Walmart. This is not based on their corporate practices, how they treat their employees or to what charities they contribute. My hatred for them is not based on principal, but because the stores give me an aneurysm every time I go inside them.
Let me give some background. I worked at Publix through high school. I wore my green polo as I pushed carts around the parking lot and then, cuz I’m a hustler, I got my Jehovah’s Witness white, short-sleeved button-down when I moved up to cashier. Part of working at Publix is being constantly reminded of the company’s high standards for everything. Every last detail of the store is carefully planned out to make shopping, well, a pleasure. In a state with possibly just as many Publixes as Starbucks, you’d think most people would hold all their stores to that standard, but sadly, that’s not the case.
Via: board.jokeroo.com
You walk into Walmart and you’re immediately blasted by the blaring fluorescent lights that were designed specifically to burn your eyes. After your eyes take a moment to readjust, you realize what’s in front of you. The sales display by the entrance. Okay, fine, until you realize they put hamburger buns, diapers, Nair and “Frozen” DVDs all on the same shelf. “Okay, whatever, I just need mouthwash,” you think to yourself, so you keep walking. Then, you notice the clothes. THE CLOTHES. WHO WEARS THESE CLOTHES? Wrangler jeans, denim, frilly collars. You imagine what type of ridiculous old ladies wear these things when they bring ambiguous casseroles to their potluck picnics.
Every aisle is a mess. You looking for cookware? You’ll find the muffin tins between the cookie sheets and the Superman Halloween costume. The aisles of Walmart are chaotic. We’re all guilty of picking something up in one part of the store and leaving it somewhere else, but the store is supposed to put those misplaced items back. But when Hershey’s bars are on display next to maxi pads, I guess that doesn’t matter much.
I would also like some enlightenment as to why every customer looks like a character from “the Wire” or Guy Fieri (make your way over to PeopleOfWalmart.com).
Via: viralnova.com
I could write a small book of poetry about my complaints about Walmart. The worst part of Walmart lies outside the store itself: Target. Target is everything Walmart is not, and the main difference is thought. Everything in Target is thought out. The layout of the store makes sense, they work hard to decorate for the seasons and make large seasonal sections. Their store-brand products are good, the food looks like it isn’t expired. The aisles are clean. The employees are friendly. It’s an alternate universe. Again, I could dedicate a YouTube vlogger channel to this.
A recent study found that Walmart is typically only 3.8% less expensive than Target, but the discussion of who’s cheaper goes back and forth all the time.
“So, Daniel, why the fuck are you writing about this?” your inner monologue is asking. Well, inner monologue, the difference between Target and Walmart is simply thoughtfulness. If you hold your stores to a higher standard, you’ll hold yourself to a higher standard.
Where you choose to buy your Franzia says more about your self-worth than you realize, but just ignore the fact that you’re buying Franzia.
Featured photo courtesy of: portada-online.com
