University of Frappuccino: UF Gets Another Fucking Starbucks

Try this. Go stand in Turlington. Go. Yeah, even if you’re reading this naked in bed back at your parents’ house in Palm Beach Gardens. Just go.

You’re there? Good. Now, you’re probably exhausted, given I just made you get out of bed and drive three and half hours (not sorry about it), so, you could a) make friends with a freshman and take a nap in Broward, or b) get some coffee.

Yeah, I know, you’re still confused as to why you’re back at school and you wanna drive home, so you choose the coffee. Standing in Turlington, you now have two options: You can walk either four minutes north to the Library West Starbucks or three minutes east to the Hub, but if you stand there long enough, you’ll be able to go right at Marston.

Yes, another Starbucks is opening up at UF, this time at Marston Library. Apparently all the disgracey rejects from Club West need caffeine too. People already think it’s ridiculous when I tell them we have four Starbucks on campus, but five just sounds like a much funnier number.

Actually, though, we needed this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are a generation of caffeine addicts and we’re idol worshiping the corporate conglomerate that is the green siren, but caffeine gets shit done and we all need some stability in our lives.

We’ve all seen the stupid lines that happen in between classes. People are basically waiting inside Chick-Fil-A at the Hub and wrapped through the revolving door at Club West. A fourth accessible location (Sun Terrace is not convenient. I went once. I got lost in the basement of Shands. That’s a story for another time.) will relieve some of those lines and help us get our fix faster. The plan to add the Starbucks is part of a bigger project that will create 700 new seats at Club Mars, which is obviously needed.

Starbucks has gone from cool coffee house, to cool national coffee house, to a full-fledged lifestyle. Across gender, religion, race, age, car ownership, deodorant preference, or however else we define ourselves nowadays, everyone has his or her own drink.

We all know it’s fall when the PSL Instas start filling our feeds, we know winter break is coming when everyone’s sporting red cups during the day too and we know it’s spring when it’s finally warm enough to get an iced coffee and not fall victim to hypothermia. We’re on top of our gold card statuses more than our credit card bills, and we even judge people based on if they know how to order properly (Know what you want. Know how to say it. Pay with card/phone. Move.).

If you’re like the thousands of Starbucks loyalists like myself, then this news will make you rejoice. If you think you’re above Starbucks, then maybe this will make you angry enough to try some of the local coffee shops around town (shout-out to Volta and Bay Isles).

We’ll have to wait at least a semester for it to open, but it will no doubt be a welcome addition to campus. If NYC has taught us anything, it’s that there’s no such thing as too many Starbucks. Just remember to respect those who take it black, and men should never order fraps in public.

Featured photo courtesy of: Zoomwalls

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