We all have our differences and we may not always be on the same page, but we can all agree that America, the land of the free and the home of the brave, is the greatest country in the world. So to prepare you for this Fourth of July, let GainesvilleScene regale you with some of the many reasons (some funny, some scary and others downright ridiculous) we are number fucking one.
And if you disagree with us, go back to Russia, you damn commie.
1. For starters, we are literally number one. As in, our country code is 1.
2. Freedom of speech and freedom of the press, which allow GainesvilleScene to be a thing.
3. Foods like this are considered part of a balanced diet.
Via: It All Changes
4. Bruce Springsteen, blue jeans and blue collar work ethics (that lead to white collar wealth).
5. Pageant moms.
6. America is the great crusader of capitalism which, as Ron Swanson astutely points out, is God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.
7. America is the land of freedom where strippers, steaks and Bud Light harmoniously coexist under one roof.
8. Bar/bat mitzvahs with half a million dollar price tags.
9. We’ve figured out how to deep fry almost anything.
10. We have elevated binge-watching of TV to an art form.
11. Cheerleaders.
12. We have sports where acts of homicidal violence are not only accepted, but encouraged.
13. America is the home of Beyoncé, Queen of the Universe.
14. Our population is divided between overweight couch potatoes who eat fast food for every meal and health nuts who are on eternal juice cleanses, macrobiotic diets and always going to/coming from Soul Cycle.
15. If you’re a vacuous gold digger, you automatically get a reality show.
16. Hot fuckin’ sauce. They don’t have that shit in Lithuania.
17. And not only do we have hot sauce, but we live forever in topping heaven. You want a chocolate cheeseburger? Done. You want a fajita crepe? Done. Whatever you want, it’s most likely been done. Let your imagination run wild.
18. We have this every Saturday of Fall. Go Gata.
Via: Just In Case
19. We invented electricity. You’re welcome.
20. Beer cans come with perfectly good flip tops, but Americans don’t want the easy way out. Shotgun or die.
21. We have created many ways to avoid walking. Electric scooters are a Walmart necessity, and stairs? No. Take the elevator to the gym.
22. NASCAR, MOTHERFUCKER.
23. The American Dream can be achieved by doing one simple thing (or person): Ray J on camera.
24. TV preachers make more money than corporate CEOs.
25. It’s the only place with a giant store in which you can buy both 24 rolls of toilet paper AND a twelve-gauge shot gun.
26. With only the change between your seat cushions, you can buy all of this:
Via: NYTimes
Most importantly, America is where freedom and liberty are more than just symbols — they are our way of life. God Bless America, and happy Fourth of July, y’all.
