College Fears: The First Date

Everyone is quick to tell you that college is “the best years of your life,” but it seems that no one is willing to tell you that it can be scary as fuck.

You get ripped from the comfort of Mom’s bosom with no guide except the bullshit you watched on MTV and life lessons you learned at the bus stop and now you’re supposed to figure out who you are, who you want to be and what you want to do with the rest of your life. It’s exhilarating and liberating and tiring and frightening all at the same time. It’s college and you are not alone.

The GainesvilleScene series “College Fears” aims to delve into these unspoken fears.  You might laugh, you might cry, hell, you might even realize we feel the same way about shit that you do.

The First Date

1.   When you sit across from someone at the dinner table, you have to be the best version of yourself. You have to have something to say that doesn’t revolve around “So, what sorority/fraternity are you in?” You have to be able to make eye contact, use utensils properly and subtly show the other person that you’re someone worth getting to know. In our blurry, blackout college culture, it’s easier to drunkenly make out and send an “Out tonight?” text than it is to say “It was really great meeting you the other night, would you be down to grab a burger tonight? There’s a place downtown I’ve been meaning to try.” However, easier doesn’t always mean better.

2.   It’s funny how the people who can be witty on Twitter, tell all on Facebook and be friendly in text messages can also clam up in person. On the first date, you can’t hide behind the screens we so often use as security blankets. We are forced to **gasp** show people who we really are. I think we worry whether our multiple personas match up, and we wonder if the person sitting across from us at the table likes any of them.

3.   You meet someone for the first time, and you guys hit it off. This story typically ends with an intimate moment underneath dim bar lighting and an intense trap remix of “Talk Dirty” but therein lies the problem: you both already clouded the friendship stage with that blackout make out. This takes away the casualty of a first date and puts pressure on both of you to continue to act like the honeymooning couple you were on day one.

4.   There’s an assumed normalcy to hook-up culture. Guys embrace it, girls accept it and nobody refutes it. Why date when you can swipe right, get lucky and repeat? Why actually show that you care about a person when they will probably be screwing your roommate in two weeks? And why bother fighting about it when nearly everyone does it? There’s a dangerous void of emotion that’s been idly filled with 12 shots of tequila, foregone hand holding on the way home and meaningless sex. We accept it because it’s what the media and personal interactions tell us is normal. What none of us want to face is the fact that it’s not.

5.   Girls go to college to become strong, independent bossbitch.com’s and guys go to become strong, independent bachelorpad.com/money’s. A date doesn’t imply starting a relationship. Getting to know someone one-on-one is the only way you’re going to know who you want to eventually settle down with. If the date doesn’t go well, no biggy. If the date does go well and you’re not ready for a relationship, that’s fine too. You got a fun night, a new friend and learned what qualities you’re looking for in a partner. You also finally got to have a waiter bring you your food.

6.   It’s time for people to get off of their asses and change the dating game. We get it — why enter a commitment if you can get some every night from “adventurous” girls? Point taken. Girls, start respecting yourselves a little more. No guy is going to ask you out when he can get what he wants the first night he meets you. Guys, stop fearing the words “commitment” and “relationship.” So you’re hooking up exclusively and spending all your time together but not dating? You’ve got to be kidding me.

7.   Technology has changed the dating game. First it was love letters, then it was late night phone calls, then the Internet and text messaging were created, and it’s all been downhill from there. In college, there is a lot more convenience is avoiding a straightforward “Wanna grab dinner together?” phone call. At this point, everyone you date will become your ex or “the one,” and both of those outcomes seem incredibly scary for most young people.

8.   Chivalry is pretty much dead. Occurrences of first dates have declined as Generation Y gets older. You hear all of these lovey-dovey stories about how our parents met, but sadly I probably won’t have one nearly as romantic. I don’t want to tell my kids about how wasted we were or how we were set up by mutual friends, but that could be the case. I think it’s time for my fellow man and I to resurrect the old school cheesiness of young love. What have we got to lose?

9.   By the time senior year comes around, many of us will have already been lured into the dreadful trap of justifying all our abhorrent behavior with, “Whatever, I’m in college.” Although that’s a legitimate excuse for throwing up in your mouth during an 8:30 a.m. exam or having your Venmo payment for “mouth and face drugs” publicly displayed on Facebook, it will bite you in the ass when you’ve realized you know maybe five people of the opposite sex on a truly personal level. We’ve become too comfortable with saving dating life for after college, but as our early 20s fly by via blackouts and drunk texts, you’d be crazy to think those bad habits don’t stick with you. “Ow Ow mama, whatchu wearin rn?” hasn’t gotten you anywhere in college, and it’s not going to do shit for you in the real world. Grow up, Peter Pan.

10.   Before entering a situation that will force you to interact with someone you don’t know well, you’ll have a million thoughts running through your head. They’ll vary between thoughts about your appearance and perceived physical shortcomings, your personality quirks and, most nerve wracking of all, the person you’re about to hang out with. What if they’re weird, awkward, have gross table manners? So much could go wrong, it couldn’t possibly be worth the risk, right? Wrong. That thought process is flawed. Pretend there isn’t a whole gray area of possibilities and, just for the sake of being optimistic, just assume it can either be good or bad. That 50 percent chance of a good time should be all the convincing you need to go on a date or say “yes” to one. Take the plunge, and if it turns out to suck, Fat Daddy’s will cushion the blow.

11.   We share a preconceived notion that every relationship, from here on out, could be “the one.” There’s an overwhelming pressure to date with purpose. Grabbing dinner with someone used to be simply that: just grabbing dinner. Now it’s become easier to hide behind our screens, liquid confidence and a glossary of loaded language. I get it — no one wants to feel vulnerable — but what if we gave vulnerability a shot? Being vulnerable isn’t synonymous with being weak. When you let the unknown unfold, instead of fearing or judging it, life has an awesome tendency to surprise you.

12.   In a generation where not giving a shit is the sexiest trait since a pair of tits, it’s impossible to make a real connection. When relationships are a game of who cares less, developing feelings for someone can be very dangerous to your health. Each external person is a temporary fix, and no one wants to be left exposed. Not allowing others to see what’s truly on the inside makes everyone interchangeable. Consider putting what you value about yourself out there. You may get something meaningful back. Be shallow, or go deep? Ending up hurt only proves it was a worthwhile experience.

13.   You have to face yourself before you can put a face on for someone else. As long as you’re single you can avoid staring for too long into the mirror, but a relationship means accountability. When we avoid dating, we avoid making all those little things we dislike about ourselves known and permanent. Are you ready to wake up next to the person that knows you cry watching “The Walking Dead” and have to use anti-dandruff shampoo? First dates are a sales pitch, and if you aren’t sold on the product you’re hocking it’s going to be a sweaty, uncomfortable affair (while sober nonetheless).

 

Did we miss anything? Is the First Date culture really dead in college? Share your thoughts below. 

Featured photo courtesy of: Adota

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