Good morning, good afternoon and good evening. Today’s lesson revolves around the art of not giving a fuck. Before I begin, I’d like to dedicate this article to everyone who is currently giving a fuck and/or to those who intend of giving anywhere from one to infinite fucks for the rest of their active lives. This is the perfect time to remove that jagged-edged pinecone out from the depths of your rectal cavity and place it on the table in front of you. Today you’re not going to need that extra boost of anal retentive, bullshit attitude you’ve been calling your “motivation.” Today you are going to learn how to live your life giving zero fucks.
I think that the first thing that needs to be addressed is where that nasty pinecone came from that causes all these fucks to be given. The answer is fairly simple and highly convoluted at the same time, making it one of the greatest enigmas known to man. The answer is: society. Society created that pinecone.
I know what you’re thinking, “Great, another kid who probably has done too much LSD or has smoked too much pot for his own good, blabbing about how society has ruined humankind.” (Great example of giving zeros fucks, for future reference.) But I want you to hear me out. Day in and day out we face different pressures as members of society as a result of everyone around us. We have tests to study for, internships to secure for the upcoming summer, a laundry list of loved ones that require significant amounts of attention and so on. If we don’t do well on a test, we’re dumb. If we don’t get an internship over the summer, we’re unqualified. If we don’t balance our social life like we’re star performers of Cirque du Soleil, we’re bad friends. Do you know what I have to say to all of that? I say that I don’t give a fuck and neither should you.
A study conducted by four psychologists in the Netherlands concluded that one’s current mood plays a direct role in creativity. The study found that free association was either limited or freed based on whether participants were sad or happy, respectively. This is the Facebook effect in full-force.
People who sit on Facebook all day, tirelessly pushing their thumb up the screen, looking at all the cool and crazy things happening to their friends feeling like all they ever do is sit on Facebook and push their thumb up the screen are inherently feeling sad as a consequence of their belief-based process of thinking. Had they given zero fucks, they would be happy for their friends, and they would attribute their friends’ successes and achievements to whatever it is they are doing outside of the realm of Facebook.
Instead, those people convince themselves that these amazing things are happening to everyone around us, and everyone is just so damn lucky and we always get the shitty end of the stick. This is a great opportunity to check how many fucks you are currently giving, and if it isn’t zero, then you need to change that. This is why FOMO is ruining people’s lives. There are simply too many fucks being given.
Via: literalmom.com
I need you to think back to the last time you went out with your friends. When you were out, living your life, hopefully giving zero fucks, was there a moment when you were thinking about your friend who was sitting in the library studying for their physics test? Or did you stop for a second right before you ripped a shot at Fat Daddy’s to pour a little bit out for your boy who had to stay in and study for a finance exam? If you said yes to either scenario, you’re giving too many fucks. Fix that.
Now reverse the situation. You’re the one in the library and it’s been about 3 minutes since the last time you checked Facebook/Instagram/Twitter, and you see all your friends posting pictures and updating their snap stories, giving zero fucks. You lash out, take a Santa Claus-sized bag of fucks and you dump them on the world. Suddenly, you hate the library, a physical location. You know why this is and how you could have prevented it, but still, there you are, giving way too many fucks.
My advice is simple, and I believe I’ve mentioned it once or twice: Stop giving a fuck.
We’re at a point in our lives where too much time is spent worrying about what everyone else is doing and where everyone is going, but we don’t take a second to metaphorically (and literally) smell the roses. If you were to pause for a moment to reflect, chances are you would realize you’re the only one standing in the way of a perfect existence where fucks do not play a role in your happiness.
If you disagree with anything I just said, guess what? I don’t give a fuck.
Featured photo courtesy of: Pat Dollard
