College is filled with some horrible human beings.
There is really no way around it, but there are plenty of ways to hide it.
You have Dance Marathon, YLC, Blue Key, SGP and plenty of other organizations that people use to temporarily mask their moral defilement.
To be clear, I’m no different. And in addition to being a certified hypocrite (a damn good one), the last three years of college have provided me with my fair share of enormities.
With that said, I have the opportunity to write for the Gainesville Scene (my moral buffer) and can share with you my take on how to make your relationshit, less shitty.
The scariest part of dating in college, as an observer, is watching two lethal alcoholics decide to become, as Delta Gammas put it best, “exclusive”. You slowly (quickly if you’re lucky) watch two idiots try to go one night without rifling through a pack of cigarettes and turning the bar into a scene from “One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest”. You laugh at the stupid couple, while you happily go home to your Five Star Pizza, because you know it is the only thing in this world that will be gone in the morning but won’t break your heart.
The scariest part of dating in college, as a boo’d up bitch, is putting aside all the horrible shit we’ve done in the past. If you’re a guy and managed to simply follow the road signs, and perhaps developed the competence to buy a girl a drink from time to time, then you’ve probably been laid your fair share. Nice job dude, you mustered up the strength to get hard after 10 fireball shots, truly commendable. And if you’re a girl, don’t even try using the number “8” in any conversation about sex. It’s deplorable, but I feel you.
The biggest issue in any relationship is trust. In college, when you’re constantly surrounded by people you’ve either dated, or had sex with, the issue is amplified ten fold. It’s tough for anyone. Well here is some advice for you, stop being a pussy you insecure little man, you. If you’re going to be in a relationship, stop constantly harassing your girl about every dude she’s been with. It’s going to drive you crazy, and it’s going to drive her crazy, and you’re going to look like a 6 year old in front of everybody. And for you girls, stop sending us YouTube videos of epic marriage proposals. I obviously don’t care about “Justin & Emily” but I’m obviously going to watch this 27 minute video, and feel like a complete piece of shit afterwards. Also, stop getting mad at us when we talk about your friends boobies, we like boobies, there is nothing we can do about it. Boobies! Boobies! Boobies! And if we go to Mi Apa for dinner, and I tell you that I wish you had an ass like our waitress, stop giving me shit for it, I’m paying for dinner for God’s sake.
Back to the point, why the hell would you be with anyone if you don’t trust them? Day by day you’re turning yourself into the paranoid psycho you see in movies, and you don’t even know it’s happening until you call your man at 4 AM, in the middle of the night, and question him for being up so late when your fucking phone call was what woke him up in the first place. Just relax, and trust each other. If you’re given a reason not to trust them, besides the fact that they “liked” something on Facebook when they told you they were studying, then deal with that shit like a grown up and move on, or break up.
Be a man.
And girls, stop with all this “forever alone” nonsense. That expression does not vindicate the fact that you and your girls bought $30 worth of mighty wings from McDonald’s and ran around your sorority house wrapped in toilet paper screaming “you can’t sit with us”.
