21 Survival Tips for LSU Road Trip

1. Don’t sprint a marathon. Pace yourself on the bus ride. Chances are pretty good that you’re going to be drowning in a drunken sea of hand grenades, hurricanes, and other threatening, hostilely named beverages for three, consecutive days nonstop. I’m all about a “balls to the wall mentality” but should you be attempting to finish your bubba keg sized Screwdriver at 7 a.m. in a personal-best time? Nay, young ones.
2. Be prepared for beignets at Cafe du Monde to be the healthiest food group you ingest all weekend (french doughnuts doused in powdered sugar and fried to perfection).
   

   Via: rachelleb.com

3. Put a god damned case on your phone and charge that baby up. Borrow an Otter Box, close out your apps and conserve the sacred, life giving juice inside your iPhone. Bourbon is the Final Frontier of uncertainty. Don’t risk shattered dreams AND a shattered screen. Or being trapped in a strip club without any contact to the outside world. Plug as much as possible, ya filthy animal.
4. Be prepared to see many deranged old men holding signs that say “GOD HATES YOU”. Do not try and drunkenly confront these religious psychos.
   

   Via: pursingholiness.com

5. Take out cash, NOT your debit card. With the hangover you’re about to experience, do you really want a financial headache to top you off? I think not. Avoid the risk of a $300 bar tab or perhaps a more scandalous tab (wink wink, nudge nudge). Withdraw an appropriate, reasonable amount from an ATM and give your debit card a sober couple of nights off.
6. Just order the Po’ Boy. Don’t you dare go to a fucking Subway. If you’re not eating oysters or a Po Boy, you’re a dick. The food in New Orleans is special. Skip the pizza place and wander in to a dimly lit restaurant. Order a house beer and do it right.
7. If you find yourself hungover in your hotel room and you’re reaching for the ibuprofen, make sure you snag the right bottle. You don’t want to accidentally gargle 20 caffeine pills in the minimal recovery time you have.
8. Don’t be fooled, Hand Grenades from Tropical Isle are nothing more than cleverly packaged and slightly better tasting battery acid. If you’ve never indulged, by all means, it’s a Bourbon Street rite of passage. Just know that consuming more than one is a guaranteed sugar coma and personally delivered hangover from Hades.
9. Always agree to ride the mechanical bull in exchange for free drinks. But ladies, make sure you’re wearing pants.
10. After making your iPhone apocalypse proof, take an extra few minutes to plug in every relevant address for the weekend. A solid start is your hotel, locations of bar tabs and wherever else you can predict your unpredictable alter ego might take you. Keep stock of these locations on your Notes app… even a monkey can copy and paste an address.
11. BOMO.
12. Bourbon Street is every adult’s favorite playground, but the cobblestone streets also make it the most treacherous. Ladies, I’m talking to you here. If you plan on wearing wedges or heels, I fear for your life. The crusty and uneven streets will show no mercy; demolished shoes and a slew of mystery bruises are a serious possibility.
13. March into The Cat’s Meow and sing a really inappropriate karaoke song at least once. Don’t be a pussy (pun intended).
14. If a sketchy man approaches you on the street asking you if you’d like to buy some crack, don’t do it. Chances are you don’t smoke crack and you’re probably too drunk to remember. You’ll probably just end up giving $20 to the guy and he’ll hand you an empty plastic bag. That $20 is better spent at the bar.
15. Feel free to stop and admire every mime, street performer, musician and self proclaimed entertainer on the streets…but don’t touch their shit; they will cut you. Also, they might ask you for money if you take pictures with them. You have been warned.
    

    Via: examiner.com

16. Just because it isn’t Mardi Gras it doesn’t mean she won’t show her titties. It’s Bourbon Street. Throw some beads, say “I have money” a few times, get everyone on the balcony to go nuts and voilà: freakin’ boobies.
17. You’re not that drunk. Honestly. Keep drinking. Don’t even think about trying to find your way back to the hotel until it is time to pack up and leave. The hotel rooms are just expensive suggestions.
18. If you planned floating down Bourbon Street in a flowing trendy maxi dress, be ready for your lower half to be covered in sludge. They have to hose the streets down every morning because so much filth accumulates in one day.
    

    Via: kiddynamitesworld.com

19. If you’re on the bus, respect a potential unanimous decision for nap time. There are several hours where you can run up and down the isles yelling “pull patrol”, but when you hear “The Scientist” by Coldplay, or “The General” by Dispatch come through the speakers, sit your dumb ass down or you’re gonna wake up in the bathroom with your hands tied behind your back.
20. If you find yourself at a strip club, make sure your eyes avoid contact with the ladies’ breasts. Road trip is a lot more fun without pink eye.
21. Have the time of your fucking life.
    

    Via: diane-millsap.blogspot.com

Photo courtesy of: TwinCitiesArtSource