The Skates of Wrath: A Guide to On-Campus Longboarding

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I’d always dreamed of a better life. My travel time would be cut in half. I’d never be forced to lower myself to the dredges of public transportation. It’d be so fun to float down the monstrous hills of Gainesville in an effortless victory lap of triumph.

I knew what I had to do. A longboard was the only option.

The internal monologues ate at me by the day in a Steinbeckian plea for something better. Longboarding was my California, the 125 bus my dust bowl. I knew what I had to do, but the nagging continued.

No thanks, RTSVia: illinois.edu

“What if I fall?”

The question rang in my head as longboarders seemed to zip by me more frequently than shouts of “YOLO” during a spring break pre game. As the urges grew, I decided to take back what was mine. With my pride, manhood, and 100 dollars on the line, I jumped out of the metaphorical plane of life without a parachute, bought a longboard, and started drinking Dr. Pepper 10.

It’s not for women! Via: quicklabel

On some fortunate days, you wake up in the morning feeling like Lebron James. On others, you look in the mirror and see nothing but Mitt Romney. For the past year, I’ve experienced what I assume NBA championships and being paid millions of dollars for existing feels like. I’ve nary felt the pangs of presidential loss and horrible feeling of being Mitt Romney.

Cheerios anyone? Via: TFM

Life had taken its turn for me. I’m here to tell you how I did it, and give some valuable tips for your long-boarding journey.

1. Get over Falling

It sucks. You will fall. Accept it. If you want to keep walking go ahead, but if you want to shred, get over yourself. A scraped knee doesn’t hurt that bad and it might make you look a little bit tough.

Ouch. Via: thefalcononline

2. Get a board

Well, yeah. That parts obvious. I’d recommend FreeRide. Its up 13th and quite awesome.

This dog has one. Why don’t you? Via: locomotionculture

3. Learn how to slow down and be safe

There’s some serious hills on campus and people are really really dumb. Hitting someone isn’t the best way to make a friend, so I’d suggest avoiding it. The experts over at Landyachtz Longboards made this great video about longboard safety. Check it out before you hit the asphalt slopes.

4. Find your route.

I’d recommend a Sunday night. Take your new longboard and just cruise around campus on your typical walking routes. If you encounter a place that might be awkward to skate through when there’s thousands of clueless students parading around with ipods in, make note of it and skip it during the day. While falling may suck, you can prevent it with proper preparation and thought. Check the UF campus map.

5. Cut your travel time in half and have a great time getting to class.

I did it and so can you. My experience with skating prior to my current adventures consisted of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2x and a pair of roller blades. The world is your stage. Take advantage of it. You’ll regret it if you want to and never do. I did for three years. Just remember, one day you’ll graduate, and you don’t want to end up like Vitamin C do you?

Got any other tips for longboarders? Are you a real skater that things my mongo-riding poser-ass is a huge tool and should change everything above? Let me know! We’re open to any and all suggestions.

Photos courtesy of thefalcononline