The Seven Deadly Sins of Your Thanksgiving Feast
From pride, the excessive belief in one’s own abilities, to envy, the desire for others’ traits, status or abilities, we’ve all been guilty of getting caught up in those infamous seven sins from time to time.
The seven deadly sins (also known as the cardinal sins) emerged sometime in the fourth century AD and has helped us classify our various vices and given Catholic confession a go-to vocabulary ever since.
This Thanksgiving, you might find out that your feast isn’t as virtuous as you might think…
Lust: Oyster stuffing
Oysters are one of the most famous of aphrodisiacs. The concept may seem a bit strange for the family dinner table, but no worries. Those hormone-altering amino acids will be overpowered by the voluptuous lumps of cornbread and smooth notes of butter. Cue the drooling. (And if you’re bringing a date, keep your hands above the table.)
Gluttony: Mashed potatoes and gravy
You can’t help but stuff your face with silky mashed potatoes and gravy. It’s literally impossible not to. I always find myself slowly sneaking spoonfuls of the heavenly fluff onto my plate when I notice the dish is getting low. It’s as if there’s a whole separate stomach dedicated to potatoes alone. Must. Eat. More.
Greed: Buttered rolls
For some reason, there always seems to be just the perfect rolls to people ratio. When someone takes more than one, then the whole “roll formula” is thrown off and whoever is “watching their weight” this Thanksgiving pretends like its okay to approach the table empty-handed. They’re lying. Ration out the rolls carefully this year or there’s bound to be a buttery brawl.
One word: Tryptophan. Whether it’s a myth or not, turkey always is the tip of the slippery slope which sends you sliding into an extended, food-induced coma…until the late-night leftover munchies kick in, of course. Snuggle up on the couch post-feast and you’ll be snoring in no time.
Wrath: Pecan pie
Every year (in my house, at least), there is a rumble over the pecan pie. It either gets burned in the oven (after one too many glasses of Cab), or just completely forgotten. Everyone loses their marbles and regrets to acknowledge the other 18 dishes that we still have to enjoy. Other reasons for wrath include some people just straight up despising pecans.
Envy: Green bean casserole
Whoever is in charge of this dish definitely got the long end of the stick. It is one of the simplest dishes, but also one of the traditional favorites. Consider yourself lucky if this is your assigned dish, just don’t mess it up. Perfect it and you’ll have the other dish contributors green (bean) with envy.
Pride: Cranberry sauce
This gelatinous, jello-like substance only requires a can opener and small bowl, but whoever “made” it will be sure to proudly let you know it was their contribution. The shrill reminder of “Don’t forget the cranberry sauce!” always haunts my turkey-filled daydreams. But really, is that texture even considered a sauce?
All sins (and awful puns) aside, make sure to be thankful for the food you are lucky enough to enjoy and cherish the moments with your loved ones this Thanksgiving. Let the feast commence!