Like every year around this time, it’s getting cold here in Gainesville.
I’m not talking about the “Ooh! I need an ugly sweater and hot chocolate” type of cold, I’m talking about the “I would cry about how cold it is, but my tears are frozen” type of cold.
The problem with us (yes, all of us) is that we’re so accustomed to thinking of Florida weather in the same way as people from the non-peninsular states do. Unfortunately, we all live by this paradigm, and our closets show it. Every single time the temperature dips below 60°F, the same basic (and I mean basic) uniforms show up.
Girls love dressing for the cold weather more than eating at Zoe’s Kitchen. I really don’t get the hype, but that’s your issue and I’m not going to crush your happiness. Girls in Gainescouver (it’s time to retire Gainesvegas) mostly tend to have a daytime and a nighttime uniform for this weather.
Via: Fashion Place Face
The daytime apparel consists of some sort of headband (most likely one of those knit ones that have that pinch in the middle – bonus points if it’s monogrammed), an anorak or some other schleppy-looking hoody, leggings (possibly two pairs) and boots. All of this is topped off with the final touch of the infinity scarf.
At night, they mostly just wear what they would if it were warm, but with a North Face jacket over it.
We, manly men, however, for the most part, have no clue what we’re doing. Guys, contrary to what Elite Daily might make you think, can be just as basic, if not more so, than a basic bitch. The male cold-weather uniform here in Gaines Angeles is no better, and also comes in two flavors: the layered and the cold.
The layered guy basically wears all their articles of clothing at once until sufficiently warm, and more or less looks like Joey when he put on all of Chandler’s clothes at once. (By the way, “Friends” is on Netflix now, so there’s no excuse why you shouldn’t get that reference.)
Via: Seam Bliss
The cold guy just makes me sad because I can see how cold he is, hence the name, duh. North Face, khaki shorts and Sperry’s. It’s sad, really, that he doesn’t seem to own pants.
Alas, men, of Gainesville. I have the solution for our awkward, sartorial predicament. (Girls, if you’re cold, you’re on your own. Ask someone else. Maybe Kathryn.) But men, there is one simple article of clothing we need to embrace that has been made fun of far too long: the scarf. Yes, that long piece of fabric will keep you warmer than any extra layers you could possibly dream of. Now that the man braid has officially replaced the man bun, let’s replace that with the man scarf.
Via: Claire Chic
A simple scarf will keep you warm without having to carefully plan your layers to shed between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., and re-molt back on from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m.. Simply wrap it around your neck once, tuck it under your jacket and over one long-sleeved shirt or sweater, and you’re golden. People will think you’re super #fashion, and only you (and everyone else who read this) will know how functional the shmata on your neck actually is.
And when it inevitably warms up 30 degrees throughout the day because this is Florida where bi-polar weather is normal, it’s almost too easy to take off nor is it such a bitch to lug around as three coats would be.
The scarves I’m talking about are the thick, knit ones, like if you asked your grandma to make you one. One solid color, made of cotton or wool. Simple. Masculine. Elephant. (Now I’m just saying words.)
Via: Luulla
There is a difference between functional scarves and those thin, whispy numbers you see on scrawny, French-looking mofos when it’s high noon in Miami in the dead of August. Those are nothing more than fashion accessories that say, “I think I am cooler than you. Also, I might not speak English.” For the rest of us, we need a scarf to keep us warm in these long three weeks of winter.
The polar vortex continues to threaten our “sun’s out guns out” way of life every November through March. Dressing warm is tough, which is why we don’t go to a school at a higher latitude.
But really, guys, make your lives easier and a wear a fucking scarf.
Feature photo courtesy of: Doodle Craft
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