In lieu of driving to Jacksonville to watch the Gators get spanked by the Georgia Bulldogs, I decided to make a pilgrimage to the mecca of fake tans and steroids: Tallahassee.
I arrived in the Nasty with no expectations and few items on my to-do list.
Among these items:
1) silently pray for a UM defeat
2) hold on to my dignity
3) attend Rivalry Music Festival
The shopping plaza location of Rivalry threw me off, but I drove closer in the direction of the thumping music and realized the producers of the festival managed to turn a parking lot into a petting zoo with a soundtrack, using only massive speakers and hordes of teenage girls in furry boots and crop tops.
I walked through the fences and into the masterfully crafted makeshift venue, having completely forgotten that robot music isn’t my thing. The 50-year-old in me wanted to run away to the nearest soft bed and be soothed to sleep by Simon & Garfunkel’s Greatest Hits, but I was determined to suppress my alter ego and hang on until the end.
Major Lazer came on to do the night’s closing set, and I was surprised to find that even I, Debbie Downer of the Year, couldn’t help but dance. Staying until the very end turned out to be well worth it, partly because I had a great time, but mostly because I got the chance to meet Diplo, a member of Major Lazer.
When I first approached Diplo, I was overcome with an almost irresistible urge to “express myself” on the nearest wall, but the amateur journalist inside me mustered some self-control. And my boyfriend was right there with me, so there was that.
I introduced myself to Diplo, who goes by Wesley in real life, and asked if he’d let me interview him. I didn’t expect him to make time for someone bringing zero twerking to the table, but when he replied “You can ask me three questions,” I basically blacked out. Fortunately, I somehow managed to successfully record our exchange:
So, how old are you?
I’m older than the sun, and the moon, and the stars. I’m ageless.
So being older than the sun, the moon, and the stars, and a parent, how do you feel about people thinking that entertainers like Miley Cyrus should be setting an example for the younger crowd?
I’m not Miley Cyrus.
I know you’re not Miley Cyrus, but I’m asking for your opinion. Do you think that people should be expecting Miley Cyrus to be setting an example? You are a father after all.
I love the fact that Miley Cyrus does what the hell she wants … I think it’s cool. I think she’s killing it.
[Man standing next to him: “Any publicity is good publicity”]
I’m a musician. I’m not an educator. My son, I take care of him. It’s your parents’ job to take care of you.
So you think it’s parents’ jobs to —
[Man standing next to him: “This is a very controversial interview.”]
There’s gonna be sex always, in film and entertainment. Be intelligent, be educated. The more you shelter your children, the more –My son, he’s amazing. He’s home-schooled, he can do whatever he wants. Hopefully when he’s older he can decide what’s right and what’s wrong.
All right, good question. One more, one more. You got one more.
Uh… Where do you see yourself in eight years?
Hopefully living on an island. Painting.
Which island in particular?
Antarctica? That’s poppin’, right? No one’s really on that one.
What kind art of do you like? Who are your favorite artists?
I mean, I’ve been fucking with Banksy right now … He’s been doing some crazy shit. Selling his art for like, $50 on the street, which is worth like, $200,000.
Did you hear about that painting he bought from Goodwill? He added a boy to the painting, then sold the painting and had the money go to a charity that funds HIV research?*
That’s amazing. That’s my favorite artist.
Do you think [charity work] is something you’d ever get into?
Hell yeah. When I get a little more famous. I can’t command these Banksy prices yet.
Well, you’re pretty famous now. What does that feel like?
…Move on. I don’t know. We’ll see. Maybe do movies, or open a zoo.
What kind of movies? Do you wanna be an actor, a director?
… I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t think about what I’m gonna do.
You’re the type who’s in the present?
Always in the present. You live today. YOLO. Get outta here.
Perfect. Thank you.
*Banksy took a painting from a thrift shop belonging to Housing Works, a charity “dedicated to helping end homelessness and those living with HIV/AIDS.” The artist added to the painting a Nazi officer seated on a bench with his back to the viewer and facing the landscape, signed it, and returned it to Housing Works in complete anonymity.
Banksy titled the piece “The Banality Of The Banality Of Evil” and it was then listed on an only charity auction website with a starting price of $76,000. It was last reported that the bidding reached $201,200. [The Daily Mail]
A special thanks to the makers of Grey Goose and Patrón, without which this “interview” might have never happened.
Photo courtesy of: News.Revolt.tv